Well suck my thumb and call me a pacifist, what a peaceful time to piss into the darkness. I hope they put that on my tombstone. I did almost die last weekend, so that’s pretty neat. I got T-boned by a Ford F-150 going 40 mph, sending my Subaru spinning into what I thought might … Continue reading Accidents, Illness, and More! Hooray!
Tag: writing
Manifestation Nation
Holy smoked salmon with a side of salty Szechuan sauce, what a tasty day to be alive. The outside of my pinkies hurt today, so that’s the exciting news in my life. I’m slowly recovering from a paddle-boarding session on Monday and the cheese-induced malaise I put myself in on Wednesday. First world health problems … Continue reading Manifestation Nation
Learning to Have Fun and Quantum Entanglement Theory
Well steam my rice and call me a side dish, we’re living life out here! I celebrated my 28th birthday over the weekend, so I’ve been trying to allow myself to have fun. Believe it or not, that can be a tough one for me. I have a tendency to always feel like I need … Continue reading Learning to Have Fun and Quantum Entanglement Theory
Writing and Comedy
Well slam me into a can of jam and call me spread, because I am open for business baby! Snap a cracker off and dip into my hummus. I don’t know what I’m saying. This is how I write. I think it would be fun to make everyone in the world do a stream-of-consciousness writing … Continue reading Writing and Comedy
Super Deep Lunar Eclipse Post
I stand here in nothing but my boxers, typing away on a laptop that nears the end of its life. It sits upon an old box. Something I bought used to be inside it; an air fryer. I use it often, but I prefer the barbecue my father bought me. One of the simple things … Continue reading Super Deep Lunar Eclipse Post
NBA Playoffs and Eating Your House
Plum in the bum with a little bit of rum. That’s how you start the weekend! I wonder what would happen if I ordered that at a bar. “Yeah I’ll take the plum in the bum with a dash of rum, please.” “Um, I’m not sure what that is…” “…” “…” “I want you to … Continue reading NBA Playoffs and Eating Your House
Learning How to be Wrong and Giant Dongs
Holy slithering snakes in my slimy salami slicer, it’s Monday! We’ve got a nice little thunderstorm rolling through here in Austin, so that’s cool and stuff. The weather here is interesting. It won’t rain for a month and then one day it will just rain so ridiculously hard that you have to pee at least … Continue reading Learning How to be Wrong and Giant Dongs
Going Nowhere
I've made plans today a list of tasks designed to move me forward but nowhere I will go an anxious mind wraps vines around my thoughts I drive but a tire blows out try to take the spare when the jack gives way nowhere to go I sit and wait for help looking for ways … Continue reading Going Nowhere
Hot Women and Comedy
I got a juicer. Now I’m drinking celery juice. I’m so healthy. Everyone look at me. Look how healthy I am. This is the exciting update everyone was hoping for. You thought I was going to talk about comedy, but no. I’m dedicating a thousand words to my newly purchased masticating juicer. This is art, … Continue reading Hot Women and Comedy
I Hate You and Your Dog but I Love Baseball
Well smack my ass and call me a track star, it’s another beautiful day to play with your nipples. Hey, speaking of nipples, baseball season is almost here and my tits are HARD. Opening day always brings me the purest sense of joy. It’s like crack but for nostalgia. Son of a buttchin accountant, now … Continue reading I Hate You and Your Dog but I Love Baseball