I'm thinking about starting a breast reduction clinic and calling it "Flattening the Curve," if anyone is interested. They say chaos breeds opportunity, so I figured now is a better time than ever to take advantage of women with huge tits. If you'd like to get in touch with me, just dial 1-800-HUGE-TIT and one … Continue reading A Joke, How Coronavirus is Your Fault and Not Mine This Time, and a Rant on Our Presidential Candidates Being Too Old
Tag: jason scott brendel
Tater Tots, the Cost of Expression, Rationality and Emotion, and Selling Yourself for Money.
Tater tots. Tot tot tot de tot. One time I made an entire podcast episode about potatoes... I think I talked for an hour about potatoes, rank-ordering them from least favorite to favorite. Tater tots weren't high on the list. I would always eat tater tots if somebody was like "hey, have some tater tots," … Continue reading Tater Tots, the Cost of Expression, Rationality and Emotion, and Selling Yourself for Money.
Poem: The Corner Store
I've got a box of interracial peanuts I bought them at the corner store where they sell left-behind laundry and individual grains of sand my cousin works there he was born with no legs and a craisin for a heart he tells me the owner is a candy man and sticks toffee in his nostrils … Continue reading Poem: The Corner Store
Jimmy Scrimnibbler and How the Way We Exchange Information Changes Our Behavior
Hi. My name is Jimmy Scrimnibbler, and I like to bump lines of COCAINE every Monday morning. It really gets me on the right track, you know. A lot of people despise Mondays, but that’s because they have nothing to look forward to. Me? I have cocaine to look forward to. So, yes, Mondays could … Continue reading Jimmy Scrimnibbler and How the Way We Exchange Information Changes Our Behavior
July on the Lake
I got really drunk yesterday...
My Terrible Saturday and Learning About Pushing the Limits
Space potatoes! What if... now bare with me here... what if there are potatoes floating around space? Wouldn't that be something? I think that would really be something. Or even more, what if there is a Soft Serve Starch Station in the corner of the galaxy? The possibilities are endless. Endless I tell you! I'm … Continue reading My Terrible Saturday and Learning About Pushing the Limits
Making Connections Online and Writing About My Penis and a Potato World
I woke up at three in the morning the other night with a pen still in my hand and my face on my notebook, which read: I've got a penis in my pants it's mine it's my penis in my pants It makes sense that I fell asleep in the middle of writing that … Continue reading Making Connections Online and Writing About My Penis and a Potato World
Democratic Debates and Words Perceived as Actions Online
If there's a feminist rock band or feminist rapper out there looking for a name, I have your answer: Feminem. You're welcome. I watched the first of the democratic primary debates last night. I also watched Major League Soccer. Which is how you know you're under the weather. Any time you watch a democratic primary … Continue reading Democratic Debates and Words Perceived as Actions Online
A Story About My Old Car
I'm sitting in the lobby of the Mercedes-Benz dealership right now thinking about how bent over I'm about to get. They told me that, on top of my regular service, I need to get a transmission service, which is $650. Hahahahaha I'll just sell the car, thanks. Kill me. Kill me good, man. I drive … Continue reading A Story About My Old Car
Morning Bubbles
Somebody is blowing bubbles