Well suck my thumb and call me a pacifist, what a peaceful time to piss into the darkness. I hope they put that on my tombstone. I did almost die last weekend, so that’s pretty neat. I got T-boned by a Ford F-150 going 40 mph, sending my Subaru spinning into what I thought might … Continue reading Accidents, Illness, and More! Hooray!
Tag: jason brendel
Manifestation Nation
Holy smoked salmon with a side of salty Szechuan sauce, what a tasty day to be alive. The outside of my pinkies hurt today, so that’s the exciting news in my life. I’m slowly recovering from a paddle-boarding session on Monday and the cheese-induced malaise I put myself in on Wednesday. First world health problems … Continue reading Manifestation Nation
Learning to Have Fun and Quantum Entanglement Theory
Well steam my rice and call me a side dish, we’re living life out here! I celebrated my 28th birthday over the weekend, so I’ve been trying to allow myself to have fun. Believe it or not, that can be a tough one for me. I have a tendency to always feel like I need … Continue reading Learning to Have Fun and Quantum Entanglement Theory
Writing and Comedy
Well slam me into a can of jam and call me spread, because I am open for business baby! Snap a cracker off and dip into my hummus. I don’t know what I’m saying. This is how I write. I think it would be fun to make everyone in the world do a stream-of-consciousness writing … Continue reading Writing and Comedy
A Short Story That Will Probably Get Me Cancelled in Ten Years
Once upon a time there was a beautiful butterfly named Benghazi. Benghazi was black. Benghazi was a black butterfly. Benghazi was so black that it could camouflage itself against the night sky and showed up late everywhere. But Benghazi was so beautiful. Oh, the most beautiful. A man named Steve Stonk once said Benghazi was … Continue reading A Short Story That Will Probably Get Me Cancelled in Ten Years
Super Deep Lunar Eclipse Post
I stand here in nothing but my boxers, typing away on a laptop that nears the end of its life. It sits upon an old box. Something I bought used to be inside it; an air fryer. I use it often, but I prefer the barbecue my father bought me. One of the simple things … Continue reading Super Deep Lunar Eclipse Post
NBA Playoffs and Eating Your House
Plum in the bum with a little bit of rum. That’s how you start the weekend! I wonder what would happen if I ordered that at a bar. “Yeah I’ll take the plum in the bum with a dash of rum, please.” “Um, I’m not sure what that is…” “…” “…” “I want you to … Continue reading NBA Playoffs and Eating Your House
Learning How to be Wrong and Giant Dongs
Holy slithering snakes in my slimy salami slicer, it’s Monday! We’ve got a nice little thunderstorm rolling through here in Austin, so that’s cool and stuff. The weather here is interesting. It won’t rain for a month and then one day it will just rain so ridiculously hard that you have to pee at least … Continue reading Learning How to be Wrong and Giant Dongs
I’m a Crane
Well smack my ass and call me Catherine! What a great day to be a crane. I’m a crane now. I’m a crane named Catherine, and you better show me some fucking respect. How about that for some nonsensical sass? You better like the sass if you want the ass. That’s a lot better motto … Continue reading I’m a Crane
Going Nowhere
I've made plans today a list of tasks designed to move me forward but nowhere I will go an anxious mind wraps vines around my thoughts I drive but a tire blows out try to take the spare when the jack gives way nowhere to go I sit and wait for help looking for ways … Continue reading Going Nowhere