A tree fell to start the day. That’s the easiest way to die out here. You could die a lot of ways out here but apparently that’s the most common. You can die a lot ways anywhere, really. I doubt it’s any safer in the city given all the cars and people. I doubt you … Continue reading Day 1 in the Jungle
Tag: Humor
Colombia Adventures 2
Basketball in the communa: If there was a most wholesome award for the trip so far, this one would certainly take the honors. Jordan, Ben, and I got dropped off near Communa 13, a historic Colombian neighborhood with sprawling walls of graffiti, vibrant dancing, and majestic views. I wish I had more space in my bag … Continue reading Colombia Adventures 2
The Notebook
I’ve bought a notebook that claims a 100% satisfaction guarantee or my money back. So, I’ve decided to fill every page with blurry words and return it. “The lines were disorienting,” I’ll say. If anyone asks, that is. I don’t know if they have a ‘no questions asked’ policy on the notebook. Either way, I’m … Continue reading The Notebook
Confidence, Comedy, and Women
I’ve got headphones on but no music is playing. I don’t know why I put them on to begin with. I suppose out of habit. When the writing begins, the headphones often follow and soothing piano soon drowns out the sounds of my surroundings. I don’t have anything against the sounds. I quite like them, … Continue reading Confidence, Comedy, and Women
Say Hello to Your Neighbor
The door to the apartment has closed, and I no longer have the key. It's half past ten and the night bugs buzz between the spaces of my conflicting emotions. I'm sad, but I'm happy about it. Happy to feel the sorrow of leaving those I've grown to love, because that means I've learned to … Continue reading Say Hello to Your Neighbor
Mr. Poopius Brown
He's big he's black and he's got an ass full of crap big shits are business and he gon' sell you allllll of that poopin' on your lawn and shootin' up your John better find a new place to doo doo cause the loo is long gone gave a new meaning to blowing up the … Continue reading Mr. Poopius Brown
The Story of Stanislaus Gross (Ch. 1)
Well shiver me Timberlakes, you’re Justin time. You’re gonna want to take a seat there captain, because I’m about to tell you the tale of the Great Stanislaus Gross. (Pronounced like it rhymes with moss, even though the dude was absolutely disgusting on the court.) Some people say the meaning of life is love, others … Continue reading The Story of Stanislaus Gross (Ch. 1)
Becoming Your Own Person and Stuff
Welcome to the Fantastic and Flabby Academy of Flabbergasted Flat Earthers! Today we’re going to be talking about how completely shocked we are that anyone could be so dumb to believe the earth is round. I mean haven’t these people walked before? Can you walk on a marble? No. You know why you can’t walk … Continue reading Becoming Your Own Person and Stuff
This is Super Serious
Good golly Gertrude, you’ve really gucked up your glasses this time, haven’t you? FLOOP MCSHLOOB. It’s taking every ounce of me not to go full turrets right now and I am genuinely sorry to whatever God you believe in because this post could fly off the rails at any moment. Good Monday my ass, this … Continue reading This is Super Serious
Avatardfather and Communication
Have you ever blown your nose into chrome hose? Well, I’ll be damned whether you have or haven’t because my name’s still Philbur Phlixson and you can never take away my 1997 Whiffle Ball Championship at Springville City Park. Yeah, phuck you is right. Now if you don’t buy this chrome hose I’ll have to … Continue reading Avatardfather and Communication