Sri Lanka. I just realized I started my last two blog posts with “Shaba laba ding dong,” and “Shaba daba ding dong” respectively. So, today I decided to go with something a little different. Sri Lanka. We are going with Sri Lanka. What about Sri Lanka, you ask? I have no idea. I couldn’t tell … Continue reading Sri Lanka and Secondhand Diabetes
Shaba laba ding dong. Boing. Blimp. Fun socket. This is me trying to write. I’ve been keeping to my word of writing two hours a day and it’s been quite nice. Sometimes it takes a little bit to get going and I just have to write down random words and noises for ten minutes, but … Continue reading Writing and Smoking Weed aka “the Doob”
I wonder what the nature of reality is and if potatoes have anything to do with it. Could you imagine? If potatoes were the center of the universe… I have a problem. I’m really obsessed with the word “potato.” I just can’t quit it. It owns me. It inhabits my soul. I’m sick from starch. … Continue reading Journal Entry? Blog Post? Nobody Knows.
Creamed cornsicles. Oof, that would be absolutely disgusting. It’s crazy how if you change a word or a phrase just a tiny bit, it can really go off the rails. I mean creamed corn… delicious. Creamed cornsicles… vomit inducing, at minimum. It sounds so disgusting I honestly want to die just thinking about it. It’s … Continue reading Performing Comedy in a Pandemic
I wonder if you could make a pizza out of a tree… No, that’s dumb. That’s a dumb thought. I mean I’m sure you could make a “pizza” out of a tree, but would it actually be a pizza? What defines pizza? Does a pizza have to have cheese? Because if a pizza has to … Continue reading Existential Questions About Pizza and Dying for a Day
Boy oh boy oh boy. What is life? How did I get here? Whose car is that? Is that your car? That's a nice car. I don't know what I'm saying. Or typing. Whatever. I don't know anything right now. I'm having one of those days where my brain feels like it's trying to escape … Continue reading Do We Have Too Many Choices?
Mango On realsimple.com, the first thing listed in the “What You Need” section is a “Y-shaped peeler.” Personally, if I see anything other than “knife,” I’m already settling for a banana. A Y-shaped peeler? More like Y am I doing this to myself? Below the “What You Need” section is a “Follow These Steps” segment, … Continue reading 10 Fruits or Vegetables You Don’t Know How to Cut
Like many Americans, Larissa Fisterson always makes sure to lock the door. Every day, when her husband leaves for work each morning, Mrs. Fisterson begins the locking process by simply turning the key lock, as any reasonable citizen would do. Mrs. Fisterson has taken extra precautions, however, installing a custom series of deadbolts just days … Continue reading Woman Forgets to Lock Door, is Murdered Immediately
Do you ever just sit in a chair and wonder what the hell you’re doing with your life? How about a bagel? Do you ever just sit on a bagel and wonder what the hell you’re doing with your life? Oooh, you know what? A hammock sounds nice. I wish I had a hammock. A … Continue reading Gender Reveal Parties and Erectile Dysfunction
Coronavirus is my fault. I was thinking a couple months ago how I was working a lot and I said to myself, "I wish I had more time to write. I need a writing retreat or something." WELL LOOKIE HERE I DONE MANIFESTED MYSELF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC! Dreams really do come true... I'm kidding. I … Continue reading How School Stifles Creativity and Other Shit