Well smack my ass and call me Catherine! What a great day to be a crane. I’m a crane now. I’m a crane named Catherine, and you better show me some fucking respect. How about that for some nonsensical sass? You better like the sass if you want the ass. That’s a lot better motto … Continue reading I’m a Crane
Tag: Humor
I Hate You and Your Dog but I Love Baseball
Well smack my ass and call me a track star, it’s another beautiful day to play with your nipples. Hey, speaking of nipples, baseball season is almost here and my tits are HARD. Opening day always brings me the purest sense of joy. It’s like crack but for nostalgia. Son of a buttchin accountant, now … Continue reading I Hate You and Your Dog but I Love Baseball
Finding Your True Self and Pissing in an Elevator
Well by the chin of Reese Witherspoon what a great day to be here! What if Reese Witherspoon went down on you and sliced open your taint with her chin and then you also had a vagina? I’m sorry. That’s a terrible joke. Actually, it’s kind of funny. Speaking of funny, I was an inch … Continue reading Finding Your True Self and Pissing in an Elevator
Bombing on Stage and Getting Called Racist
Lord of the flies what a time to be alive. I’m not gonna lie, I’m feeling pretty broken down right now. I just had one of the worst bombs of my life. I guess it’s kind of ironic now that I think of it. I was just talking about how I don’t care much about … Continue reading Bombing on Stage and Getting Called Racist
Will Smith vs. Chris Rock
Well smack me in the face and call me Chris Rock, ain’t it good to be here. That was so wild. If you’ve been living in a potato for the last few days, you might not be aware that Will Smith open-fist clocked Chris Rock in the face in front of millions of viewers at … Continue reading Will Smith vs. Chris Rock
Hotboxing Farts and Hating Your Kid
Big old monkey hog in your fire logs. Wouldn’t that be something, eh? Nobody wants to find a monkey hog in their fire logs. Unless that’s what you’re searching for of course. Okay, glad this how we’re starting off today. This is what happens when you give me a keyboard and no direction. At least … Continue reading Hotboxing Farts and Hating Your Kid
Figuring Out Life Volume 54 Million
Shaba daba ding dong, sing a song about a big shlong. Well, here we are again. I broke my streak of three days in a row writing a blog post. I’ve been sick for the last few days so I saw a couple of my streaks fall. I wondered briefly if I should cut myself … Continue reading Figuring Out Life Volume 54 Million
Willie McGinest
Hi my name is Willie McGinest yes like the former NFL player Willie McGinest when people see me they often confuse me with a salad I've been tossed and doused with dressing glossed over for something better like a chocolate raisin or a tiny little sweater I once swallowed a sparrow just to prove I … Continue reading Willie McGinest
Talking to Yourself and Freedom
Doobie doobie doooo. I have a problem of muttering things aloud in public to people. I’ll just say something like “doobie doobie doo, smoke a doobie doooo,” and then somebody will look at me and say “what?” and I just have to say “sorry I was just muttering nonsense.” I also talk to myself out … Continue reading Talking to Yourself and Freedom
Comedy and Setting Boundaries
Well put me in a crock pot and stew me up for dinner! By golly, what a tasty day to be alive. It’s another gorgeous day in Austin and I am ready to EAT. I don’t even know what that means. I’m hungry. That’s my point. Hungry for success snarf snarf snarf. No. I’m just … Continue reading Comedy and Setting Boundaries