Hi my name is Slippytit McDoubledoo and it’s a pleasure to finally be at your acquaintance. Let’s lotion up that taint and make this place quiet and quaint so we can make acquaintance. Make acquaintance. That’s a funny phrase. Imagine if you walked up to a woman at the bar and said “I’d like to … Continue reading Nothing But Nonsense
Tag: Humor
The Fish and the Rainbow
So here me out here. You’ve got a fish, and you’ve got a rainbow. The problem is, the rainbow looks like a fish and the fish looks like a rainbow. So, what you’re seeing is a giant fish in the sky, and then a rainbow swimming. And nobody knows why this is happening. Everything was … Continue reading The Fish and the Rainbow
Vegan Vegetables and Beating Someone With a Pineapple
Well dump a shot of rum in my bum and call me Boof Bonser, happy Monday to ya! That’s actually a real name by the way. There was a professional baseball player named Boof Bonser and he was a part of one of the worst trades in San Francisco Giants history when he was included … Continue reading Vegan Vegetables and Beating Someone With a Pineapple
Accidents, Illness, and More! Hooray!
Well suck my thumb and call me a pacifist, what a peaceful time to piss into the darkness. I hope they put that on my tombstone. I did almost die last weekend, so that’s pretty neat. I got T-boned by a Ford F-150 going 40 mph, sending my Subaru spinning into what I thought might … Continue reading Accidents, Illness, and More! Hooray!
Learning to Have Fun and Quantum Entanglement Theory
Well steam my rice and call me a side dish, we’re living life out here! I celebrated my 28th birthday over the weekend, so I’ve been trying to allow myself to have fun. Believe it or not, that can be a tough one for me. I have a tendency to always feel like I need … Continue reading Learning to Have Fun and Quantum Entanglement Theory
Writing and Comedy
Well slam me into a can of jam and call me spread, because I am open for business baby! Snap a cracker off and dip into my hummus. I don’t know what I’m saying. This is how I write. I think it would be fun to make everyone in the world do a stream-of-consciousness writing … Continue reading Writing and Comedy
A Short Story That Will Probably Get Me Cancelled in Ten Years
Once upon a time there was a beautiful butterfly named Benghazi. Benghazi was black. Benghazi was a black butterfly. Benghazi was so black that it could camouflage itself against the night sky and showed up late everywhere. But Benghazi was so beautiful. Oh, the most beautiful. A man named Steve Stonk once said Benghazi was … Continue reading A Short Story That Will Probably Get Me Cancelled in Ten Years
I’m a Crane
Well smack my ass and call me Catherine! What a great day to be a crane. I’m a crane now. I’m a crane named Catherine, and you better show me some fucking respect. How about that for some nonsensical sass? You better like the sass if you want the ass. That’s a lot better motto … Continue reading I’m a Crane
I Hate You and Your Dog but I Love Baseball
Well smack my ass and call me a track star, it’s another beautiful day to play with your nipples. Hey, speaking of nipples, baseball season is almost here and my tits are HARD. Opening day always brings me the purest sense of joy. It’s like crack but for nostalgia. Son of a buttchin accountant, now … Continue reading I Hate You and Your Dog but I Love Baseball
Finding Your True Self and Pissing in an Elevator
Well by the chin of Reese Witherspoon what a great day to be here! What if Reese Witherspoon went down on you and sliced open your taint with her chin and then you also had a vagina? I’m sorry. That’s a terrible joke. Actually, it’s kind of funny. Speaking of funny, I was an inch … Continue reading Finding Your True Self and Pissing in an Elevator