Well smoke my cheddar and call me cheese! That would be a fun experiment... Not to smoke my cheddar and call me cheese, but to say that to one hundred different people and take note of how each one of them interprets it. Maybe I'll do that some day. I could just walk around the … Continue reading I’m Watching People Become Robots, and It’s Scary
Boy oh boy oh boy. What is life? How did I get here? Whose car is that? Is that your car? That's a nice car. I don't know what I'm saying. Or typing. Whatever. I don't know anything right now. I'm having one of those days where my brain feels like it's trying to escape … Continue reading Do We Have Too Many Choices?
Mango On realsimple.com, the first thing listed in the “What You Need” section is a “Y-shaped peeler.” Personally, if I see anything other than “knife,” I’m already settling for a banana. A Y-shaped peeler? More like Y am I doing this to myself? Below the “What You Need” section is a “Follow These Steps” segment, … Continue reading 10 Fruits or Vegetables You Don’t Know How to Cut
Like many Americans, Larissa Fisterson always makes sure to lock the door. Every day, when her husband leaves for work each morning, Mrs. Fisterson begins the locking process by simply turning the key lock, as any reasonable citizen would do. Mrs. Fisterson has taken extra precautions, however, installing a custom series of deadbolts just days … Continue reading Woman Forgets to Lock Door, is Murdered Immediately
Do you ever just sit in a chair and wonder what the hell you’re doing with your life? How about a bagel? Do you ever just sit on a bagel and wonder what the hell you’re doing with your life? Oooh, you know what? A hammock sounds nice. I wish I had a hammock. A … Continue reading Gender Reveal Parties and Erectile Dysfunction
Coronavirus is my fault. I was thinking a couple months ago how I was working a lot and I said to myself, "I wish I had more time to write. I need a writing retreat or something." WELL LOOKIE HERE I DONE MANIFESTED MYSELF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC! Dreams really do come true... I'm kidding. I … Continue reading How School Stifles Creativity and Other Shit
So I've come to the conclusion that people don't think about death enough. If people thought about death more often, they wouldn't have run out and bought toilet paper in a frenzied panic. I think about death all of the time. Thinking about death is a healthy endeavor because if we don't accept our own … Continue reading DEATH
1: Go on a Walk You can still go outside, just don't lick the cement or put your tongue down the neighbors throat. Your hubby wouldn't be too happy about that anyways. 2: Learn a New Language I'm learning Russian. You get to say "cock" a lot, which is cool. "Kak dela" means "how are … Continue reading 10 Things to do During a Pandemic Besides Masturbate
COCAINE! I remember I ended my last post talking about cocaine or I was going to talk about cocaine, but then I had to go so I thought I would start my next post talking about cocaine even though I really have nothing to say about cocaine because I've never done cocaine. I feel like … Continue reading Cocaine? And Comedy!
I've got a box of interracial peanuts I bought them at the corner store where they sell left-behind laundry and individual grains of sand my cousin works there he was born with no legs and a craisin for a heart he tells me the owner is a candy man and sticks toffee in his nostrils … Continue reading Poem: The Corner Store