Well slap me with a happy paddle and call me Sally Salisbury, how the hell are we doing? Tickle my toes and blow my nose, it’s been a minute hasn’t it? I’ve been working a lot, so that’s exciting. It’s not. It’s not exciting. But I’m saving up to go to America, South this summer … Continue reading Finding My Groove and Sticking to My Style
Tag: Funny
Dingleberry McSlingus
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Dingleberry McSlingus. He was devil-eyed dingus, that boy. About as dumb as they get. Legend has it the local Elk’s club administered an IQ test to an old can of Barbasol shaving cream and it scored higher than the boy. Tough to navigate the world … Continue reading Dingleberry McSlingus
The Dark Side of Comedy
In every industry, there’s inevitably going to be something about it that we don’t like. Even if it’s our dream job, some ugly aspect of the work will rear its head. Sometimes it can be part of the work itself, sometimes it’s the other employees or the boss, sometimes it’s the customers… who knows what … Continue reading The Dark Side of Comedy
Sleep Paralysis/ Bombing On Stage/ Love
Well slap me sideways and leave me on the side of the highway, it must be Monday. I feel like a human again, so that’s good. I had a four day stretch from hell. Sweet mother of a dumb kid who lives at Chuck-e-Cheese what an absolute battle. Sometimes life smacks you across the balls … Continue reading Sleep Paralysis/ Bombing On Stage/ Love
Don’t Read This
Well dabble me with a bit of simple syrup and call me a coffee because I’m ready to be DRUNK. No. That’s not right. I don’t want to be drunk. I got drunk yesterday. I don’t get drunk often because I don’t enjoy being drunk enough to deal with how ass I feel the next … Continue reading Don’t Read This
The Tale of Fred McFlutz
Once upon a TV dinner there was a man named Fred McFlutz. This guy was a real piece of work. He would snort his nephew’s Adderall during Christmas in the bathroom and tell everyone to come look at the giant dump he just took even though it was a runny little bird poo. Fred was … Continue reading The Tale of Fred McFlutz
I Still Want to Run Away
Well sprinkle my tits with glitter and call me a present, it sure is a splendid day to be sitting in a café writing nonsense. I should have ordered a hot tea. I ordered an iced tea, but it should have been a hot tea. Nothing will ever make up for the mistake I’ve made. … Continue reading I Still Want to Run Away
Getting Lost/ Kate Upton’s Rack
Once Upton a time there was a girl named Kate with a giant rack. She married a professional baseball player who won a Cy Young award ate age 39 and is sure to have a healthy hog on him. They have a child now. She lets the child play with her giant rack. She lets … Continue reading Getting Lost/ Kate Upton’s Rack
Nothing But Nonsense
Well lock me up for a nonviolent drug offense and watch my life welter away, how the hell are ya!? ABSOLUTELY SPLENDID YOUNG LAD! Sweet mother of an Arabian grape farmer I have a lot of energy right now. Tickle me silly, Billy. Slap my ass with a chastity belt you naughty sack of skin. … Continue reading Nothing But Nonsense
Poem: Pee Plane
The people pass through the back of the plane who knew the bathroom would bring us all together men dressed in jackets leather for the winter women watching children wary of the strangers waiting to whip out their willies let's pray it's just a piss and not another blizzard. Make a one-time donationYour contribution is … Continue reading Poem: Pee Plane