A Florida man has ended his own life after his iPhone ran out of battery during a routine poo in his Tallahassee home. Unable to bear his own thoughts for more than fifteen seconds, the Leon County resident went into immediate panic after the screen went dark. “I heard him scream from the other side…Man Commits … Continue reading Man Commits Suicide on Toilet after Phone Dies — The Mad Satirist
Everyone born before 1971 has been fired from their job for transphobic comments made in the past, after the New New York Times published an exposé released by some guy with nothing better to do. “This is a day to remember in history,” said the shman, who declined to be identified by name, demanding only…Entire Generation … Continue reading Entire Generation Fired for Transphobic Comments — The Mad Satirist
People are crazy. People are lazy. One person is Patrick Swayze. Wow. Great. Tremendous. What am I doing? Why am I here? Oh, yes. I was going to write about sociopaths, narcissists, and psychopaths and how our society is built to reward them. Let’s start with the good old-fashioned sociopath. If you don’t know what … Continue reading Sociopaths, Psychopaths, and Narcissists! Oh Joy!
What’s your morning routine? Wake up, look at your phone, hate yourself in the shower, grab a muffin and go to work? If this sounds all too common, you should try starting your day with crack cocaine! Get high or die trying babyyyyyy. I’m kidding. Don’t start your day with crack cocaine. Don’t start your … Continue reading How to Start a Morning Routine
I’ve been in Austin for almost six months now. Somehow it feels like I’ve been here for a moment and an eternity at the same time. I’m always moving. I spent 40 days on the road on the way and am living in my third different apartment since being here. Time seems to move along … Continue reading Comedy and Relationships, Sacrifice and Struggle
Who knew three minutes of talking could be exhausting? When people find out you do comedy, they usually ask one of two questions. The most popular is: can you tell me a joke? If you’ve ever asked this question, I forgive you; but know that I’ve spent at least a minute of my life hating … Continue reading What it Feels Like to Bomb on Stage
What a time to be alive. I haven’t done comedy in a few days because I’ve been a little under the weather. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s a weird time to be under the weather. There used to be a time where you would simply rest up, drink some emergen-C, and play … Continue reading COVID, Fear, Death, and Sharing Your Art. Neat!
Well, shit… here we are. Four months in Austin. What a wacky and wild ride so far. I don’t know what I expected to happen when I came here. I don’t know if I expected anything at all to be honest. I just knew I wanted to come here. I’ve known I want to be … Continue reading Finding the Blog’s Identity
Holy smoked salami is it a beautiful day today. The weather in Austin is very interesting. It’s super nice one minute and then pouring penis the next. The weather app will say it’s going to be 79 degrees and then it turns out to be 100. It’s kind of fun. I always get a chuckle … Continue reading Performance Through Trial and Error