Well smoke my cheddar and call me cheese! That would be a fun experiment... Not to smoke my cheddar and call me cheese, but to say that to one hundred different people and take note of how each one of them interprets it. Maybe I'll do that some day. I could just walk around the … Continue reading I’m Watching People Become Robots, and It’s Scary
Tag: comedy
Guy With Computer Eager to Destroy Celebrity’s Life
Reading over the apologies from celebrities like Kevin Hart, Nick Cannon, and Shane Gillis, Jacksonville, Florida resident Doug Robertson couldn’t help but feel inspired. The proud owner of a brand new Lenovo laptop, Robertson grinned from ear to ear, explaining that “this is the moment.. This is my time to finally make a difference in … Continue reading Guy With Computer Eager to Destroy Celebrity’s Life
Woman Forgets to Lock Door, is Murdered Immediately
Like many Americans, Larissa Fisterson always makes sure to lock the door. Every day, when her husband leaves for work each morning, Mrs. Fisterson begins the locking process by simply turning the key lock, as any reasonable citizen would do. Mrs. Fisterson has taken extra precautions, however, installing a custom series of deadbolts just days … Continue reading Woman Forgets to Lock Door, is Murdered Immediately
How School Stifles Creativity and Other Shit
Coronavirus is my fault. I was thinking a couple months ago how I was working a lot and I said to myself, "I wish I had more time to write. I need a writing retreat or something." WELL LOOKIE HERE I DONE MANIFESTED MYSELF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC! Dreams really do come true... I'm kidding. I … Continue reading How School Stifles Creativity and Other Shit
DEATH
So I've come to the conclusion that people don't think about death enough. If people thought about death more often, they wouldn't have run out and bought toilet paper in a frenzied panic. I think about death all of the time. Thinking about death is a healthy endeavor because if we don't accept our own … Continue reading DEATH
10 Things to do During a Pandemic Besides Masturbate
1: Go on a Walk You can still go outside, just don't lick the cement or put your tongue down the neighbors throat. Your hubby wouldn't be too happy about that anyways. 2: Learn a New Language I'm learning Russian. You get to say "cock" a lot, which is cool. "Kak dela" means "how are … Continue reading 10 Things to do During a Pandemic Besides Masturbate
Cocaine? And Comedy!
COCAINE! I remember I ended my last post talking about cocaine or I was going to talk about cocaine, but then I had to go so I thought I would start my next post talking about cocaine even though I really have nothing to say about cocaine because I've never done cocaine. I feel like … Continue reading Cocaine? And Comedy!
Early 2000’s Rock Bands and Other Band Stuff
It's been a while... since you've gone, and fucked things up, just like you always doooooooo. I recently rediscovered that song ("It's Been Awhile" by Staind) along with a plethora of others from my awkward pubescent years. Sometimes I think of things I've done in the past, or the person I used to be, and … Continue reading Early 2000’s Rock Bands and Other Band Stuff
Mike Tries to Write a Story
Just gonna go ahead and leave this one here... Mike Tries to Write a Story There once lived a man with a hand. He had other body parts, too, but he had a hand. BOY DID HE HAVE A HAND. I tell you what, I’ve been around the block and the bunch, and this … Continue reading Mike Tries to Write a Story
Why AIDS is Funny
So I was at a bar the other night for open mic comedy night, and another comic and I were talking about what kind of jokes we have, and in passing I mentioned that I have a joke about AIDS. Well, the bartender heard me say this, and she looks right at me with no … Continue reading Why AIDS is Funny
