Where am I? What is happening? Whose chair is that? What a whirlwind of a week it has been. I tell you what, I tell you whatttttt. I went to four open mics last week in three days and totally burned myself out. That and having too much caffeine. I'm super sensitive to caffeine and … Continue reading Open Mics and Meeting Friends
What a thing it is. Comedy of the open mic variety. I went to my first open mic since moving to Austin last night, and it was a lot of things: Fun, interesting, weird... all of it. I arrived early to see that I was going up last, which wasn't exactly what I was hoping … Continue reading Open Mic Comedy
Hi. Steve McQueen here. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance. Have you heard about my all new Steamy Dream Blaster? Just pour in some water and go the hell to sleep and steam will be seeping into your dreams in no time, clouding up not just your memory, but everything you know about life. If you're … Continue reading Steve McQueen
Gooby bloopity shdoop. Fantastic. Fun. Fun size. You know, I never understood why tiny candies are called “fun size.” When is less candy ever more fun? Maybe the candy companies know that and they’re trying to compensate. It wouldn’t exactly sell very well if it was called “Less Snickers.” King size is kind of weird, … Continue reading Fun Size Candy, King Size Candy, and… Queen Size Candy?
Mexican rectal exam. Ooh that was a good one. Much better than “shaba laba ding dong” or “Sri Lanka.” We are starting off on the right food today, I tell you what! A Mexican rectal exam is the catalyst for a great day. I kind of hope someone quotes me on that in twenty years. … Continue reading Mexican Rectal Exams and Tinder
Sri Lanka. I just realized I started my last two blog posts with “Shaba laba ding dong,” and “Shaba daba ding dong” respectively. So, today I decided to go with something a little different. Sri Lanka. We are going with Sri Lanka. What about Sri Lanka, you ask? I have no idea. I couldn’t tell … Continue reading Sri Lanka and Secondhand Diabetes
I wonder what the nature of reality is and if potatoes have anything to do with it. Could you imagine? If potatoes were the center of the universe… I have a problem. I’m really obsessed with the word “potato.” I just can’t quit it. It owns me. It inhabits my soul. I’m sick from starch. … Continue reading Journal Entry? Blog Post? Nobody Knows.
Creamed cornsicles. Oof, that would be absolutely disgusting. It’s crazy how if you change a word or a phrase just a tiny bit, it can really go off the rails. I mean creamed corn… delicious. Creamed cornsicles… vomit inducing, at minimum. It sounds so disgusting I honestly want to die just thinking about it. It’s … Continue reading Performing Comedy in a Pandemic
I wonder if you could make a pizza out of a tree… No, that’s dumb. That’s a dumb thought. I mean I’m sure you could make a “pizza” out of a tree, but would it actually be a pizza? What defines pizza? Does a pizza have to have cheese? Because if a pizza has to … Continue reading Existential Questions About Pizza and Dying for a Day