Well slap me sideways and leave me on the side of the highway, it must be Monday. I feel like a human again, so that’s good. I had a four day stretch from hell. Sweet mother of a dumb kid who lives at Chuck-e-Cheese what an absolute battle. Sometimes life smacks you across the balls … Continue reading Sleep Paralysis/ Bombing On Stage/ Love
Category: Blog Posts
Making Money and Self Discovery
Well blow my glass and call me a bong, It’s been a long time hasn’t it? No, it hasn’t. I’ve been writing way too many blog posts, I’m pretty sure it’s only been a day or two max. This has definitely become habit at this point. It’s part of my Vladimir Routine. I have to … Continue reading Making Money and Self Discovery
Don’t Read This
Well dabble me with a bit of simple syrup and call me a coffee because I’m ready to be DRUNK. No. That’s not right. I don’t want to be drunk. I got drunk yesterday. I don’t get drunk often because I don’t enjoy being drunk enough to deal with how ass I feel the next … Continue reading Don’t Read This
Breaking the Mold
Well spend 45 minutes cutting up a mango and leave with next to nothing, how the hell are we doing? Fantastic. Splendid. Gorgeous. Garlic. Gag reflex. I’m great, thanks for asking. Shoooobeedoobeedooooo. I actually am great today, which is pretty neat. I always feel good after I travel, particularly if I’ve just gone somewhere new. … Continue reading Breaking the Mold
Yelling at Mirrors
The clock strikes midnight as I find my home once again. The weather inside my head has gone haywire over the past 48 hours after a week of sun, but the storm has calmed to a simple drizzle. My hands settle on the keys, and I find relief from the rain. I’ve built a shelter … Continue reading Yelling at Mirrors
The Tale of Fred McFlutz
Once upon a TV dinner there was a man named Fred McFlutz. This guy was a real piece of work. He would snort his nephew’s Adderall during Christmas in the bathroom and tell everyone to come look at the giant dump he just took even though it was a runny little bird poo. Fred was … Continue reading The Tale of Fred McFlutz
I Still Want to Run Away
Well sprinkle my tits with glitter and call me a present, it sure is a splendid day to be sitting in a café writing nonsense. I should have ordered a hot tea. I ordered an iced tea, but it should have been a hot tea. Nothing will ever make up for the mistake I’ve made. … Continue reading I Still Want to Run Away
Getting Lost/ Kate Upton’s Rack
Once Upton a time there was a girl named Kate with a giant rack. She married a professional baseball player who won a Cy Young award ate age 39 and is sure to have a healthy hog on him. They have a child now. She lets the child play with her giant rack. She lets … Continue reading Getting Lost/ Kate Upton’s Rack
Nothing But Nonsense
Well lock me up for a nonviolent drug offense and watch my life welter away, how the hell are ya!? ABSOLUTELY SPLENDID YOUNG LAD! Sweet mother of an Arabian grape farmer I have a lot of energy right now. Tickle me silly, Billy. Slap my ass with a chastity belt you naughty sack of skin. … Continue reading Nothing But Nonsense
Poem: Vines
My thoughts wrap around the stable center in my mind like vines they grow and breathe but sometimes they suffocate until the fence is overwhelmed I'm strangled by the branches but people only see the beauty in the leaves. Make a one-time donationYour contribution is appreciated.DonateMake a monthly donationYour contribution is appreciated.Donate monthlyMake a yearly … Continue reading Poem: Vines