Say Hello to Your Neighbor

The door to the apartment has closed, and I no longer have the key. It's half past ten and the night bugs buzz between the spaces of my conflicting emotions. I'm sad, but I'm happy about it. Happy to feel the sorrow of leaving those I've grown to love, because that means I've learned to … Continue reading Say Hello to Your Neighbor →

How I Fell off a Cliff and Survived

So I fell off a cliff the other day. It certainly wasn’t what I had in mind for a Thursday, but sometimes life throws you curve balls or in this case off a cliff. It was one of those days where you question how such beauty could be brought upon you. Seventy-eight and sunny, the … Continue reading How I Fell off a Cliff and Survived →

The Story of Stanislaus Gross (Ch. 1)

Well shiver me Timberlakes, you’re Justin time. You’re gonna want to take a seat there captain, because I’m about to tell you the tale of the Great Stanislaus Gross. (Pronounced like it rhymes with moss, even though the dude was absolutely disgusting on the court.) Some people say the meaning of life is love, others … Continue reading The Story of Stanislaus Gross (Ch. 1) →

Becoming Your Own Person and Stuff

Welcome to the Fantastic and Flabby Academy of Flabbergasted Flat Earthers! Today we’re going to be talking about how completely shocked we are that anyone could be so dumb to believe the earth is round. I mean haven’t these people walked before? Can you walk on a marble? No. You know why you can’t walk … Continue reading Becoming Your Own Person and Stuff →

Creative Resistance

If you’re a creative person or just a person altogether, you might have heard of the book by Steven Pressfield called The War of Art. If you haven’t, the whole thing centers around the idea of “resistance.” For example, if we want to be a writer, we’re going to encounter a lot of resistance towards … Continue reading Creative Resistance →

This is Super Serious

Good golly Gertrude, you’ve really gucked up your glasses this time, haven’t you? FLOOP MCSHLOOB. It’s taking every ounce of me not to go full turrets right now and I am genuinely sorry to whatever God you believe in because this post could fly off the rails at any moment. Good Monday my ass, this … Continue reading This is Super Serious →

Avatardfather and Communication

Have you ever blown your nose into chrome hose? Well, I’ll be damned whether you have or haven’t because my name’s still Philbur Phlixson and you can never take away my 1997 Whiffle Ball Championship at Springville City Park. Yeah, phuck you is right. Now if you don’t buy this chrome hose I’ll have to … Continue reading Avatardfather and Communication →

Why Eminem is the Best Rapper of All Time

Blasphemous apples smack asses happily at the Axis Masters, laughing their clap holes passively while mapping out traps for massive batteries. How about that for assonance? (Assonance is the repetition of vowel sounds.) Eminem is really good at using assonance. Asssssssonance. A lot of people won’t question you when you say Eminem is the best … Continue reading Why Eminem is the Best Rapper of All Time →

Shunt McTunt, Comedy, and Balance

This is the story of Shunt McTunt and the Seven Blunts. Okay, maybe not. Story time waits for another day. But trust me you’re not going to want to miss the tale of Mr. McTunt. Next time I go to order a tea and they ask for my name I’m gonna tell them it’s Shunt. … Continue reading Shunt McTunt, Comedy, and Balance →

Finding My Groove and Sticking to My Style

Well slap me with a happy paddle and call me Sally Salisbury, how the hell are we doing? Tickle my toes and blow my nose, it’s been a minute hasn’t it? I’ve been working a lot, so that’s exciting. It’s not. It’s not exciting. But I’m saving up to go to America, South this summer … Continue reading Finding My Groove and Sticking to My Style →