Lessons Learned in Colombia

What an unexpected and wonderful journey it has been. I never thought I would do this to be honest. It wasn’t something I envisioned and planned for years, it wasn’t a grand dream of mine, it just kind of… happened. And that’s the ethos of Colombia; things just happen here. It’s at the crux of the lessons I’ve learned; not to worry so much about what’s coming, but simply let things happen. Whether it’s a feeling, an activity, an emotion or a journey, we must give it room to breathe.

There’s plenty of war in the world, we don’t need to fight what we can simply let be. I don’t know how much control we really have. I like to believe in free will because it feels like the more interesting way to live, but who knows. We could be like Billy Pilgrim in Slaughterhouse Five who is told there’s really no such thing as time, only laid out events in a line.

Whatever the nature of our reality might be, I know it doesn’t serve me well to try and force anything. It’s a separate idea from working hard or pushing through something challenging, because both of those things hold great value. There’s a difference between something feeling difficult and something feeling wrong. I don’t know how to guide it into words because it’s not something I was taught, only something I’ve come to understand. I know what the difference is but right now it’s hard to articulate.

As much as I’ve learned about life and myself, the best part of this journey has certainly been the people I’ve met. My heart has been captured in ways I never expected. The people who choose to come to Colombia aren’t like the people who remain attached to their homes. There’s a vibrancy amongst the bold that permeates the soul and turns blood to gold.

My dad asked me how many times I’ve fallen in love so far and I told him it was too many to count. It’s hard not to fall in love with anyone who seeks something beyond the paved path. I’ve met some amazing new friends and been opened up to a new standard for what a potential partner could look like.

I wondered if I was justified in being frustrated by the women in Austin because I felt like I kept finding the same thing over and over, and going on this trip has shown me that it was okay to feel that way. There’s always something beyond our own backyard and sometimes we just have to go out and find it. It doesn’t mean I can’t find what I’m looking for in Austin. I think now I just have a better understanding of what exactly it is I’m after and how to look for it. I take comfort in knowing what’s out there and I don’t need to settle for anything less.

I’ve learned that I might be a bit crazy, but there’s always someone crazier. No matter what you do in life there’s always someone taking it to a further extreme. I’ve encountered some wild stories along the way, many of which I’ve shared here. I met a man last night who went diving off the coast of Colombia to an island between the mainland and the Galapagos only to be stranded by the boat. He survived, but many of the others did not. He came back to interview the families and those who captained the boat in order to write a book about it. He’s investigating why the boat left and I’m curious to find out when he publishes.

I’ve learned that I can’t escape my problems even if I change my environment. I still battle the same anxiety I always have; I still have days where I don’t want to get up in the morning and I still feel stuck sometimes. There’s no magic cure, only gradual improvement. Sometimes the gates burst open but it’s always a continual process to find peace and prosperity.

I’ve learned that sometimes I should be social even if I don’t want to. As an introvert it’s easy to hide away, but it’s important to push the boundaries of what I’m comfortable with in social environments. This trip was a lot of socializing. I didn’t have the luxury of retreating sometimes.

On occasion there really was nowhere for me to go be on my own. It forced me to be with my discomfort instead of run from it, and often times it worked out for the better. I realized that when I’m feeling overwhelmed, being alone isn’t always the answer. It’s okay to be anxious or overwhelmed around other people because a lot of us feel that way a lot of the time.

I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I thought I was and I’ve come a long way. I never thought of doing something like this in the past because I was battling chronic illness and it worried me too much to be away from home for too long in case things started to go south. But I’ve put in a lot of work over the years and made a lot of sacrifices to become as healthy as possible. I used to have to take four pills of medication every day. Now I take one a week. It’s easy to beat ourselves up over what we haven’t done but it’s important to look back and see how far we’ve come.

I still have a major test ahead of me as I’m off to live in the Amazon for two months, but as long as I give it my best and see it through I know can hold my head high. I’m not afraid of getting sick. I’ve been as sick as it gets before so I know I can handle it. The only thing I’m afraid of now is not living life to the fullest. There’s just too much to see out there.  

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