I’ve bought a notebook that claims a 100% satisfaction guarantee or my money back. So, I’ve decided to fill every page with blurry words and return it. “The lines were disorienting,” I’ll say. If anyone asks, that is. I don’t know if they have a ‘no questions asked’ policy on the notebook.
Either way, I’m getting those 97 cents back.
I can’t think of a better bargain than a 97 cent notebook that ends up being a free notebook. It has 70 pages inside, a cover, and a back. You can learn a lot in 70 pages. I’ve certainly learned more in less. Sometimes it only takes a single line to break you.
Each page in this notebook has 32 lines, plus margins. That’s 2,240 lines and 280 margins. The bottom margins are awfully small, but it’s more than enough space to figure out some things you’ve done wrong. I’ve done plenty wrong in my life. Whether it’s 70 pages worth or not I can’t be entirely sure, but I’ve done plenty wrong.
I would never go back and do it right. I would do it wrong again and write about it sooner. The only real mistakes I’ve made are excuses. I could have learned more if I hadn’t so many excuses.
I wonder if I’d have to give back the notebook or if they’d tell me not to bother. I wouldn’t mind finding myself in a quarrel with one of the employees over why I continued to write in the notebook if I found the lines so disorienting. I could simply reason it because I had something to say. That’s always as good a reason as any to write something under any circumstances, orienting or not.
If they gave me enough trouble I could say something like “it’s not about the 97 cents, it’s about the principal.” Neither would be true. I could tell them I have chronic headaches, now. You know, because of how disorienting the lines are.
I could say the notebook cast a spell on me, and that’s why I couldn’t stop writing. Now I have an addiction and a chronic health condition. If they were truly an upstanding company they would pay for my healthcare.
You can do a lot with 97 cents, if you’re convincing enough.
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