Well rub a bunch of lotion on my tits and call me over for dinner, it sure is good to see you again. The last couple of weeks have been very interesting. It feels like a turning of the tides in my life and I’m not exactly sure which way the tide is turning.
I’ve become consumed with the idea that life is better served living in a way that most people in modern society would consider unconventional; out in nature with a community of people striving for something greater than themselves. I’ve always been curious about alternative lifestyles and have done my own thing to a degree myself, but I haven’t been able to shake this curiosity lately. It’s like the elephant in the room except it’s in my head, so… pretty hard to ignore.
I don’t think I’ll have clarity on what’s next for me until I try it, so I’m going to apply to volunteer in the amazon rain forest at an animal rehabilitation center for a couple of months in the summer. I don’t know what I’ll learn, how my life will be different when I come back, or if even will come back. I just know there’s something better out there and I have to find out exactly what that is.
I’m lucky to have so many great things in my life, but I’ve been lacking a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. I’ve spent most of my 20’s focusing on myself and thinking about my own life. I’m a single 28 year-old with no kids dedicated to pursuing his dream, and I get a certain amount of meaning from pursuing that dream, but it’s been an awfully lonely pursuit.
Most of what I’ve done has been a lonely pursuit. Golf is an individual game, poker is an individual game, stand-up is an individual pursuit… all of these things I’ve dedicated huge chunks of my life too are remarkably singular; and I think about the best moments of my life and none of them were individual feats or solo endeavors. When I meditate and think of a place that brings me peace, it’s a simple moment from the past shared with friends or family.
So why have I been constantly pursuing individual achievement? I suppose there’s part of me that wants to prove I’m worthy, part of me that wants to be loved for something I’ve done, and part of me that’s just overly concerned with what I want. Today there’s part of me that’s a bit sick of thinking about what I want, and I genuinely wonder if desire is what’s holding myself and humanity in general back from a more meaningful existence.
What about just living instead of wanting so much? What about finding pleasure in the simple endeavor of spending time together? What about surrendering to the present instead of constantly trying to map out the future? I know it’s a better way to live. I don’t even have to wonder, I know it like a sailor knows a map because it taps on my consciousness every day, and now it’s pounding.
It doesn’t help that every day we’re surrounded by the aura of excess. Stress ping pongs around the brains of every citizen in town as we hustle to whatever’s next. Most of us don’t ever stop to think about the fact that most of what we’re stressed about are follies of our own creations. If every time you were stressed, you stopped and asked yourself “is this a threat to my survival?” how often would the answer be “yes”? I’d guess it’s less than 1%. Probably significantly less for most people in the West.
It feels like sometimes we invent things just to have something to be stressed about because we’re bored. When we no longer have to fight for food and shelter, we create other things to be stressed about instead. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We could find genuine peace in the pursuit of those simple things: food, shelter, love, community, purpose. Because when it comes down to it, why do we really need anything else?
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