Getting up Early and Starbucks

Well suck my soul and call me a zombie, happy Friday to ya you freaky little fatty! Whoa whoa whoa, who are you calling fat you skinny little chunk of chopstick, you? WOWOWOW I’m more than an Asian eating instrument, I’M A HUMAN!

Thanks for joining me. It’s Friday. I’m up early and the world is already concerning me. I had to go to Starbucks because it was the only place open before 6:30 which means I had to watch someone order a peppermint mocha with TWO PUMPS OF SWEETENER. I honestly didn’t know it was possible to drink a peppermint mocha and think “this isn’t sweet enough. It needs more sugar.” Bonkers. Blasphemy. Absolutely astounding behavior.

It’s probably more common than I think it is, sadly. It’s interesting how we all live our lives a certain way and how easy it can be to forget that most people live their lives in a completely different fashion. You know how it is, you do something routine to you and somebody else looks at you like you’re crazy. You think “wait what? How is this so crazy, doesn’t everyone eat ice cream with a fork?” They do not.

One of my friends turned me on to eating ice cream with a fork and now I can’t go back. It’s honestly so much easier, it’s actually wild.

It’s also wild how much better I feel if I get up early in the morning. I’ve been living my life and whatever here in Austin and I’ve been doing comedy and driving late for Uber, so I’ve been waking up pretty late for the last year and a half. Despite all the progress I’ve made, I keep falling back into some unhealthy patterns that I haven’t been able to shake no matter how hard I try or what changes I make.

I get frustrated and then it becomes self-defeating. “Why can’t I just keep it together consistently?” I ask. Then the other night I had a conversation with my roommate about a lot of things, but somehow we got to talking about waking up early. He was saying the happiest time of his life was when he was getting up early every day and I agreed it was also the happiest time of my life.

I used to get up at four in the morning every day to go work at my dad’s gas station. I didn’t particularly like working at a gas station, but I was happy, healthy, and productive. This was also during a worldwide pandemic. I didn’t dislike my job at all, but it obviously wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. So here I was, getting up at four in the morning to do something I didn’t really even want to do while the world is burning around me, yet I was happy.

Then I find myself here in Austin, doing exactly what I want to be doing, but I don’t have the same levels of positive emotion and productivity. I’ve felt more fulfilled and I have a greater sense of meaning because I’m pursuing my potential destiny and living my truth, but my energy has been lower and my mood a bit morose. Part of it is the nature of doing a lot of open mic comedy, but I think a lot of is also related to getting up early.

Not only is there proven benefits for getting up early, I think it fits me personally. I have a hard time relaxing. I get anxious and I get ancy. I have to accomplish something (or at least feel like I have) in order to actually be able to relax, and it’s imperative that we have time to relax. When I get up in the morning and accomplish something straight away, it sets my whole day straight. As hard as I would try to do my routine and get things done after waking up at nine or ten, it always felt like I was fighting the flow of the tide.

I also convinced myself that I had to stay up late. That’s where the money is driving and sometimes comedy ends up going late. But there’s also money to be had driving in the morning, and there’s money to be made through other avenues. I’ve already gathered a freelance client and have put more time into developing my own comedy show.

I’ve also been having awful nightmares and just straight up have been having a difficult time getting up in the morning. I usually have these nightmares if I oversleep, so as I’m getting older I probably don’t need as much sleep as I used to. When I get up early I don’t seem to have these nightmares at all.

Anyways, I don’t know how entertaining an entire blog post about getting up early would be, but that’s what’s on my mind this morning. This dude at Starbucks has tried entering the bathroom code on the door about twenty times, and then a homeless dude came out and he handed the guy something. The guy shook his head and left and then the homeless dude went into the other bathroom when someone came out. I think he lives in there.

It’s so tempting to steal some of these mobile orders. I don’t even want to drink the triple latte with double cream six pumps of sexual hip thrusting and oat milk, but I do want to steal it. Just to make a point. I don’t know what the point is, but I wanna make it.

Actually, I think it would be even more fun to take out a sharpie and just write something absolutely ridiculous on each of the cups. Could you imagine picking up your cappuccino and right below your name it says “Apple + Banana = Fork.” Or you pick up your mocha and it says “I wish you were ice water.” Or… or… you pick up your matcha latte and it says “EAT A GIANT BAG OF ASS AND BALLS”

I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist taking it to that level. It was too innocent before. This is why I need to stop doing so much open mic comedy. If you do enough open mic comedy in Austin your routine just turns into you saying “I’m gay and retarded” for your entire act. Comedy requires an audience, so I’ve been trying to focus my energy on doing actual comedy instead of telling death metal jokes to the back of the room.

Anyways, that’s a whole different discussion. I’m gonna go lift some weight so I can be slightly less effeminate.

Jason Brendel
Jason Brendel

Jason Brendel is an author, poet, and comedian from Northern California. Navigate the buttons below to follow him on social media, make a donation, or purchase his collection of laugh-out-loud poetry on Amazon.

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