The Fish and the Rainbow

So here me out here. You’ve got a fish, and you’ve got a rainbow. The problem is, the rainbow looks like a fish and the fish looks like a rainbow. So, what you’re seeing is a giant fish in the sky, and then a rainbow swimming. And nobody knows why this is happening. Everything was fine three days ago, and then dudes starting catching rainbows and everyone was like “okay slow down.”

“I thought climate change was bad, but I didn’t know it was fish in the sky bad” said some lady from New Jersey that nobody cares about. A man from South Africa recently got stuck pointing at the fish and repeatedly screaming “there’s a fish in the sky, there’s a fish in the sky!” This went on for three days before somebody shot him in the head in the middle of the night.

It’s sad, I know. But the world can be a sad place. Sometimes sad things happen. This guy just happened to get stuck screaming “there’s a fish in the sky!” and that turned out to be very sad for him. I’m sure you can relate. We’ve all seen something sad. Right? Could you imagine, if somebody just traversed the blind spots of the universe and never saw anything sad their whole life? Would they even know what happy was? These… these are the questions.

More importantly, what would you do if there was a fish in the sky? Nobody reckoned this would be the biggest question to face humanity in millennia, but here we are. We’re living in a time where straight men are posting pictures of rainbows on their dating profiles and hippies are staring up at fish with great bewilderment. These are the times we’re living in. So what are we going to do about it, the people wondered.

“Well, first we have to understand that reality clearly isn’t what we thought it was.” she said. Who is she? Pam Pinklewitz, from Warsaw.

“Boy you sure are a piece of steam, Pam” said Pervert Number Two. There were four perverts at the meeting that night. No comment amongst any of them confused the group more than this one. A piece of steam? What in the what? Who has ever described steam in pieces? There’s a fish in the sky, Jim Bo caught a rainbow this morning, and this dude is talking about Pam Pinklewitz being a piece of steam? What in the tiny little tickle fairies is going on, the people thought.

“Yeah, Pam is right. Our first step here is understanding that everything we thought we knew might be useless. Maybe there is a God, maybe we’re in a simulation, maybe another species has trapped us in a lower dimension and we’re being tested. Whatever it is, we don’t know. But we have to admit we don’t know, and be open to what is true.”

“SLAP ME SILLY AND CALL ME BILLY, YOU GOT THE GLITTER BABY!” yelled Pervert Number 3. (If you’re wondering why the perverts are there, it was an equal representation thing. Humanity, like we do with everything, took the whole equality thing too far. We also drastically underestimated how hard a pervert will fight for their rights. So, it is law that in any room containing more than 50 people, at least four perverts must be present.)

The group went silent after Francesca Figueroa Fernandez the 14th’s comments and Pervert Number 3’s declaration. A small man of minimal stature slowly raised his hand in the back of the room. “Yes, sir?” asked Francesca.

“I know what it is…” he said softly.

Everyone paused as the seconds ticked like minutes.

“Well, go ahead sir. If you know what it is, why don’t you tell us?”

The 70 or so people in the room all looked at the man in anticipation, confusion, and fear. In a room full of the most influential people on the planet, who was this man? Everyone wondered individually if they were the only ones who didn’t recognize him, but the thought traveled through the collective consciousness of the room. The old man knew this.

“I was sent here to help you. I know you’re all wondering how I got in this room. It’s because I am not from this planet. I live in a society operating at a higher level of consciousness, and we understand things about the universe that have yet to be discovered here. The fish and the rainbow is a request to open your mind. Hard times are coming, but you have to be brave, you must connect, and you must remain open. If you do these things, you will continue on.”

The room paused, and the old man vanished.

Jason Brendel
Jason Brendel

Jason Brendel is an author, poet, and comedian from Northern California. Navigate the buttons below to follow him on social media, make a donation, or purchase his collection of laugh-out-loud poetry on Amazon.

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