Holy smoked salmon with a side of salty Szechuan sauce, what a tasty day to be alive. The outside of my pinkies hurt today, so that’s the exciting news in my life. I’m slowly recovering from a paddle-boarding session on Monday and the cheese-induced malaise I put myself in on Wednesday. First world health problems over here.
I totally ate shit on a rope swing on Monday. The first time went great, because I was paying attention, but I learned a hard lesson the second time. If you ever use a rope swing, don’t leave any slack in the rope, especially if you climb 20 feet up a tree. It will recoil and you will hit the water hard and sideways and probably shallow and then you won’t be able to feel your pinkies for a week.
Anyways, I was able to improve my mental condition yesterday by making a bunch of funny videos, which is better than shoving benzodiazepines into your face socket. I made a video about benzodiazepines, too. The point is, I think doing something you love (especially something that generates positive emotion like laughter) can help a lot when we are feeling down. The bad news is I’ve been sitting at the Subaru dealership for enough time that I had to create a TikTok.
Okay, I was going to create one anyways, but I needed an excuse. I don’t know how I feel about it to be honest. It’s a great place to promote the type of content I’ve been creating but I also worry that the Chinese are going to somehow take over my soul through the app and sell it to the devil. Oh well.
I’m trying to “build an audience” or whatever. There’s a whole business side of being a comedian that you kind of have to learn on the fly. In any business, you’re trying to sell a product. In this business, you are the product. It’s a weird one, especially when you don’t like trying to sell things and attention makes you uncomfortable. What has helped me is to detach myself from the performance. There’s Jason the person and then Jason the Comedian. I’m trying to sell Jason the Comedian, and I’m not going to let whatever happens to him affect Jason the person.
At least that’s the goal. I can’t say I’ll never be affected by a performance, but I can keep working at it. I think it will take consistent and prolonged effort to build up that kind of emotional resilience, but it will be worth it. Most emotional changes take a lot of focused and dedicated effort. Same goes for manifesting goals or the future. Whenever you talk about “manifesting,” people tend to scoff at the idea because they think “well I picture myself being a millionaire but that hasn’t happened. You can’t just picture something and expect it to happen.”
It’s true to an extent. You can’t just picture something and expect it to happen. If you picture it over and over, though, meditate on it, continually set a conscious intention for it to happen, and genuinely desire for that thing to happen, then you should expect it to happen. I remember the first time I get on Kill Tony. It went almost exactly how I envisioned it.
I envisioned it so many times in my head (it was remarkably specific) and I kept doing that for a long period of time. Seconds before I got called, a feeling came through me and I thought “oh shit, this is it,” and sure enough I got called. The same vision I had in my head unfolded on stage, to a tee. It was wild, but the more I practice manifesting things in such a way, the less weird it becomes.
It seems supernatural at first, and you still don’t really believe it. It’s like “holy dick on balls, that actually worked!” Then you do it again and it starts to become a pattern. Then you realize you can manifest the life you truly desire, and the next question becomes “what kind of life do I truly desire?” I’ve found out that if I’m going to manifest something, I have to actually want it. Like 100% no questions, no doubts. It has to be pure. There has been other things in life that I thought I wanted, but I had some questions or I wasn’t quite sure and they didn’t end up happening. Sometimes it was even heartbreaking, but I realized that it didn’t happen because it was something I thought I wanted but wasn’t ready for.
I’m constantly learning that I don’t always know what’s best for me, which is a weird one. On top of that, I’m learning how to discern when I do know what’s best for me versus when I don’t. The conscious evolution is a slow process, but it does move if we want it to.
We all have those moments where there’s something we “want” and there’s something we “need” or something we should do. There’s that dueling voice inside your head when you’re presented with two options: “Well, I want the quadruple cheeseburger, but I should get a salad.” Yeah, you want the cheeseburger, but it’s not what’s best for you. You might even do some mental gymnastics to convince yourself it actually is what’s best for you. “Well it tastes better, so it’ll make me happier and I’ll be more satisfied. Plus I’ll be hungry if I eat a salad.”
If we allow this voice to win over and over again, we lose our ability to know what’s best for us and we’re at the mercy of our habits. Good Lord I’m really sounding like a self-help wannabe over these last two posts. Whatever, it’s fine. Everything is fine. These are just things that I’ve learned and it helps me to work through them. As does this blog. It’s like a curated journal. I gotta get this stuff out of my brain somehow. I know it helps me, and it’s just a bonus if it ends up helping other people, too.
I think it’s important for us to share what we’ve learned as much as possible. When we hoard knowledge and wisdom, we shouldn’t be surprised when society is lost and slowly crumbling. We can all play a part, and if we manifest positive outcomes in our own lives, it will spread to those around us, which will in-turn improve our own situations. It’s like a circle of success. Holy Nora Jones I’m hungry. Goodbye.
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