Figuring Out Life Volume 54 Million

Shaba daba ding dong, sing a song about a big shlong. Well, here we are again. I broke my streak of three days in a row writing a blog post. I’ve been sick for the last few days so I saw a couple of my streaks fall. I wondered briefly if I should cut myself a break for being sick and let the streak continue, but I don’t want to make any excuses. I totally could have written a blog post each day I was sick. I didn’t want to, but I could have. And I know how it goes, one excuse just turns into another and another. So when it comes to the streaks, there are no excuses. Unless I die. Then I’m gonna give myself a week’s grace period and continue the streak in the afterlife. There’s always some adjusting to do when your soul gets carried to another dimension.

Anyways, life is good. Besides being sick, of course. That’s the one thing I really need to figure out. I’ve been getting sick a lot. I think it might have something to do with being in my car so much. My diet has been really good, I exercise every day, I get outside, I take my vitamins, my penis works… but I keep getting gnarly colds over and over.

I’ve been reading this book, Medical Medium, and one of the things the author talks about is how things like gasoline and perfumes make us sick. Apparently any kind of air freshener is really really bad for you. He says that you’re better off being a chain-smoker than breathing in one of those plug-in air fresheners every day. Striking. Shocking. Incredible. So many things. Overall, not good. So, I’ve taken the air freshener out of my car and if it smells like ass then it’s just gonna have to smell like ass.

Gasoline is also super toxic and since it’s a solvent, it basically goes straight into your bloodstream if it touches your skin. It’s also not good to breathe and we’d be better off wearing a mask at the gas pump instead of in a restaurant. Also, I drive about 25-30 hours a week for Uber, so a lot of people get into my car and breathe their shitty air into my shitty lungs .

Anyways, I’ll do a juice cleanse and see if that helps. I’m trying to find other ways to make money but it’s hard to find anything that makes grants me the freedom and income that driving does. I’ve been doing it long enough that I know how to fenagle both Uber and Lyft to make the optimal amount of money based on their promotions and their undying desire to get you addicted to driving for them. Plus, I sell about 10-15 books out of the back of my car per week, which is another $60-$90 in my pocket plus expanded promotion.

I’m starting my own comedy business, so that’s cool and stuff. I spent a couple hours making a logo yesterday and I’m actually very satisfied with it. Check this bad boy out.

I’m going to start producing my own comedy shows and see if that can help me make a little extra money and start to get booked on some more shows in general. I’ve been doing a lot of comedy over the last year since I moved here, but I’ve done almost no networking and producing. I’ve made a lot of friends but I never ask anyone to be on a show. There’s many different ways to get booked here, but the best way is to have your own show. Being funny helps, but there are a lot of funny comics here so you have to find a way to stand out. I figure if I can run one of the best shows in town, that’s my best chance.

I’m confident I can sign a book deal with this new novel I’ve got in the works as well, so I’m gonna keep trucking along with that bad boy. Movie scripts also seem to be quite profitable, and most of the movies I watch these days aren’t written very well, so I think that will be my next project. I’ve already got an idea brewing for that, but I want to finish one thing before I start the next.

Podcasting is another great way to network and improve your comedy skills. It generally takes a long time before it starts making any money, but the most important thing is that it’s really fun. I’m starting a comedy and sports podcast with my friend Jordan we are already having a blast with it. I don’t’ care if it never makes a single cent, the value lies in the fun had with friends.

I’m extremely grateful for my friends. I’ve never really had a group of people I hang out with like a lot of people do, but I have several really strong individual friendships that I cherish. I’ve had most of them for at least ten years. I’ve maintained one of my closest friends since kindergarten. We’ve gone through different stages of life and we honestly couldn’t be more different in so many ways, but we’re still tight like an Instagram girl’s ass.

Alright, thanks for helping me figure out my life. Bye.

Jason Brendel
Jason Brendel

Jason Brendel is an author, poet, and comedian from Northern California. Navigate the buttons below to follow him on social media, make a donation, or purchase his collection of laugh-out-loud poetry on Amazon.

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