Doobie doobie doooo. I have a problem of muttering things aloud in public to people. I’ll just say something like “doobie doobie doo, smoke a doobie doooo,” and then somebody will look at me and say “what?” and I just have to say “sorry I was just muttering nonsense.” I also talk to myself out loud a lot, which I don’t think is weird. I think it’s weird if you don’t talk to yourself out loud. What, do you just have conversations with yourself inside your head? You’re crazy. Stop being crazy.
I don’t think it’s weird if you talk to yourself out loud because you’re always talking to yourself anyway. There’s an ongoing conversation happening inside that silly little brain of yours between you and you. I think if you have those conversations out loud sometimes, you realize how much of an idiot you are. At least I do. I realize “oh wow that sounds really dumb when I say it out loud. I’m an idiot. I’m so dumb. How did I get this dumb?” By not listening to myself, I become a little less dumb.
It’s the other self I should be listening to. The intuitive voice. The one that says “you shouldn’t smoke this doobie, you should write a joke.” The voice that seems to know the difference between right and wrong. I try to live my life by the motto of “do the right thing.” We’re faced with so many decisions throughout the day, and it’s easy to overthink things, but I think most of the time we know almost immediately what the right thing to do is.
Often times, we choose to go against it. Whether it’s because it’s easier to do something else or we’re overtaken with emotion, greed, or desire, we constantly choose to do things we know to be wrong. I do it, you do it, Grandma Betsy does it. We all do it. Nobody’s perfect, but I think there’s a lot to be said about small decisions becoming bigger ones. If you ignore that voice telling you to do the right thing in regards to small decisions, eventually you’ll do the same when it comes to big ones. Before you know it, you are what the scientists like to call “a giant piece of shit.”
I should start my own charity called “don’t turn yourself into a giant piece of shit.” I think it’s a lot more catchy than the Red Cross. Anyways, life is a potato and I’m just swimming in the starch. I need to go to the chiropractor. My whole body feels like it’s out of place. I should do my taxes, too. Hey, being an adult is fun, isn’t it?
It’s hard to be free as an adult and still live within the boundaries of society. If you wanted to be truly free, you’d have to go completely off the grid. I would probably do it if it weren’t for my friends and family. I suppose that would be the ultimate heaven: going off the grid with a bunch of people you enjoy being around. I think it would be pretty satisfying to walk into your job and say, “I’m going camping.” Then your boss asks how long and you say “forever.” Dramatic music starts playing as you turn around and drop your papers on the ground.
Anyways, I’m generally satisfied with my level of freedom. I don’t have a regular job. I don’t have a boss. I can pretty much decide to do whatever I want on any given day. I could pack up and leave to a new city right now if I wanted to. Compared to most people, I’m very free.
I’ve been trying to free myself from technology more often. Something that has been really helpful for me is to turn off my phone or put it on airplane mode if I’m not going to be needing it. If I know I’m just going to be writing for the next hour, there’s no reason for me to have my phone on. It’s only a possible distraction.
I’ve even started turning off my phone in social situations, and that has been especially beneficial. Instead of having a constant escape at my fingertips, I actually have to be social. It does wonders at open mics in particular. Instead of sitting around waiting and playing on my phone, I’m forced to either write or socialize. Both of those things are a much better choice than scrolling mindlessly on a screen. Plus, it allows me to focus more on my comedy. I can really get in the zone knowing that I won’t be distracted by a notification five minutes before I go on stage.
Alrighty, I’m gonna do some hot yoga. It’s gonna be hot. So freaking hot.