I just spent 45 minutes cutting a watermelon. I ate a quesadilla earlier in the day and had a nervous breakdown so now I’m only eating melon forever. Okay, not forever. But I’m eating mostly melon for now. I’ve been reading about some stuff and things, learning more about how the gut affects the brain and the brain affects the gut and the dick affects the balls.
Okay maybe I haven’t been learning about that last one. I think I know the answer to that one already. Or… no I don’t actually. I know how the balls affect the dick, but how does the dick affect the balls? Interesting. We’ll have to do a deeper dive on that one. Balls deep!
Anyways… where am I? Oh, I’m in my apartment. Nice. Glad I’m alive and home. Um. Yeah. Cool. Gut brain relation? Is that what I was talking about? Yeah, so the gut plays a very important role in how we feel mentally and emotionally and all that stuff, particularly the intestines, and my intestines are filled with ULCERS so… I gotta be real careful about that stuff.
It’s quite amazing, honestly. I can be feeling amazing and then have one bad meal and all of a sudden I get depressed or anxious for seemingly no reason. Alas! There is a reason. It’s because of Vladimir Putin.
Okay it’s not because of Vladimir Putin, but it could be. It’s because my gut is hating its life so then my brain decides it’s gonna hate its life, too. Fun stuff. But hey, at least I know. It’s hard to be vigilant sometimes, but I think it’s mostly about creating good habits. Things become a lot easier when we don’t have to labor over them. It’s much easier to eat healthy if you have healthy food already in your house.
Just read the book Atomic Habits. It’ll show you how small changes can make a big difference. I think that’s the subtitle for the book. I don’t know. It’s close. Just read the book, dammit.
Speaking of books, I wrote two sentences of a book the other night. Pretty cool, huh? I’ve been wanting to write another book for a while now, but I promised myself I wouldn’t start one until I had an “aha! That’s it!” moment. Which is another way of saying I’m lazy. No. That’s not true. Or is it? You’ll never know. But I did have that aha moment. Now I have to actually write the book.
I think I’ll have to dedicate a small amount of time each day to it if I really want to get it done. I’m so busy these days that I don’t have much time, but if I can just knock out 30 minutes a day I know I can get it done within the next 50 years.
It’s hard for me to stick to writing one thing, honestly. I jump around a lot. Sometimes I want to write jokes, sometimes I want to write poetry, sometimes I want to write a rap, sometimes I want to write a novel, sometimes I want to swan dive into a pit of avocados. There’s really no telling where my desire will take me. If I’m going to take on something like writing a novel, I need to have some kind of reminder every day that tells me “IT’S NOVEL TIME BITCH!”
Maybe not so aggressively, but you get the idea. I think I can write a good novel. I don’t know, but I think. It’s not my area of expertise, but hey that’s how we grow, right? Doing something out of our comfort zone.
Maybe that will help me get more organized with this blog, too. Sometimes I’m posting here every day and then I take a couple weeks off. It’s a recurring cycle. It doesn’t bother me, I could care less… but it’s not the best strategy for “building an audience” or whatever. Yuck. I’ll be honest, I hate everything about promoting content and trying to build an audience. I just like to write.
That being said, I’d like to have more time to write; and the best way to do that is to build an audience so my writing can be self-sustainable and I don’t have to spend 30 hours a week driving drunk people around town. I also get weirded out when someone becomes a fan of mine, which is something I need to get over. Maybe it’s imposter syndrome, maybe I’m just weary of people, I don’t know… but whenever people start to get really into my work I tend to sabotage it.
Maybe I’m afraid of success. I don’t know. I’m definitely afraid of recognition. Which makes no sense, because I do stand-up comedy every night. But that’s probably a good thing if I’m doing comedy because I like doing comedy rather than because I want recognition. Those people suck butthole. Some of them even make it to the top. And kudos to them. If that’s their desire, ain’t nothing wrong with that if they’re not hurting anyone. I don’t want to hang out with them, but good for them.
That’s a big lesson I’ve learned in this life, too. You’re not going to get along with everyone. As I get older, I’m able to recognize much more quickly if someone is a person I want to be around or not. I used to try and be friends with everyone, but that’s a waste of time. You gotta find your people. You can respect someone but not want to be their friend, and that’s perfectly okay.
Alright, I’m gonna go write some of this book I guess.
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