Chinese dumpling bumper cars. Wouldn’t that be wild? Just a bunch of Chinese people sitting in giant dumplings slamming into each other? Is that offensive? Probably, to someone. What am I doing with my life? I honestly have no idea right now. Everything is very much up in the air right now.
I’m one of those people who likes to be in control, so I’m always learning how to let go. The older I get, the more important the lesson has become. So much of what happens in our lives is out of our control, and we have to find a way to move with the flow of the universe. I don’t know exactly how much is really in our control. Sometimes I think control is a complete illusion and we’re living a life of fate. Other times I’m certain the power of individual consciousness trumps the randomness of the universe and we really do have more control than we think we do. Like most things, I’m sure the truth is somewhere in between.
I’ve found through meditation that if I sit down and consciously direct my thoughts towards a specific goal or outcome, it almost always happens. It takes more than just saying “I want to be a space monkey.” You really have to sit there for a long period of time and see yourself becoming a space monkey, feel yourself becoming a space monkey, smell yourself becoming a space monkey… tell the universe “I will become a space monkey.” Only then will you become a space monkey.
Call it God, call it the universe, call it fate or call it Kevin, but putting some level or belief in it can be very helpful. I have to remind myself of that when I get anxious. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been very anxious the last couple of days. Great, now I’m watching two flies have sex with each other. Did the female just die? I think this female fly just got fucked to death… Man, the world is a cruel place. Never mind, it’s alive.
Anyways, I have no idea what my life is going to look like in a few weeks, but it’s pretty much out of my control at this point. I have no choice but to trust in the universe. I trust that everything happens for a reason. Whether you believe that or not, I think it’s the best way to live life. If it’s true or not is irrelevant, as long as I believe it to be true.
Personally, I’ve often been too quick to label something as either “good” or “bad” in my life. Often times we have no idea if something is good or bad in the moment. I could say that getting diagnosed with severe Ulcerative Colitis when I was 17 was a “bad” thing, but looking back at it now it might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It changed everything. Now I’m healthier than ever, I don’t take things for granted, and I’m pursuing my dream. I don’t know if that would be the case if I never got sick.
I thought getting into business school was the best thing ever at the time. But I ended up hating it, flunking out, and finding myself completely lost. The point is, we don’t often know if something is good or bad until later in our lives. Even then it can be hard to decipher. I choose to believe there’s a reason for everything that happens in my life because it brings me balance. If something “terrible” happens, I can say “well, maybe something great will come out of this that wouldn’t have if this event didn’t occur.” If something “great” happens, I can “this is fantastic. I am God. Everything is going to be amazing forever.” No, I’m kidding. I can say “this is awesome and I’m going to enjoy it in the moment, but I don’t know what it will mean for me in the future.”
Not getting too high or too low is another lesson I’m learning, especially when it comes to comedy. Taking a bomb too hard has prevented me from wanting to get back on stage sometimes, and that’s not helpful. I’ve also murdered and thought “man, I’m so funny. I’ve totally got this.” But I don’t. I definitely don’t. The stage is always there to remind me of that. It’s much more helpful to take the approach of “what did I learn from this?” whether it’s good or bad. I’ve learned a lot from my “bad” sets. So, were they really bad? Maybe they felt bad, but they were good teaching moments. Good? Bad? Who the hell knows? They were something, that’s all I know.
I feel like we’re always trying to label things as good or bad in society, too. We find out that one of our favorite celebrities did something unforgiving and we say “I didn’t know he/she was a terrible person! Oh my God!” But, maybe that person is both good and bad. Sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re bad. Sometimes I’m healthy. Sometimes I want to drown myself in nacho cheese. Things aren’t so simple.
What if you’re the nicest guy in the world (like Mr, Rogers on steroids nice) and on your 40th birthday your friend Richard misses the piñata and crushes your skull in instead, and four years later you start having murderous thoughts that you can’t control and you end up setting fire to a nursing home? Are you a good guy? Bad guy? Guy who got hit with a baseball bat? What are you? Hard to say.
What if you were raised by narcissistic and abusive parents in a poor area and were pressured into a life of violence and crime by the people who lived in your neighborhood, selling drugs and stabbing approximately 12 different people, sentenced to prison for 25 years, and then came out and helped hundreds of people in similar circumstances to have a better life? Good? Bad? What’s the call here, captain?
Things are complicated and unclear, that’s what I’m getting at here. Maybe you think someone’s a dick and they’re really just having a bad day. Maybe someone seems nice and friendly but they’re just charming and manipulative. The point is, we know very little. Things are not as they seem. OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
What a miscarriage of a situation that is. You’d think if anything it would be safer if objects in mirror are further than they appear. Give you a little extra breathing room, you know? What if it just said “Objects in mirror are actually donuts?” That would be pretty wild.
Alrighty, I’m gonna hit the sauna. Last time I went in the sauna, this 75 year-old guy was talking about how he took a lot of LSD in the 60’s and recently visited an Indian Reservation where one of the native women told him that our society is going to fall a part because we have no sense of community and everything is reliant on electricity and once the electricity goes out then our entire civilization will collapse. Sadly, I don’t think she’s wrong. We definitely screwed up. Oh well. Enjoy it while it lasts. Trust in the universe. Society collapsing someday might be a good thing. Happy trails!