Getting on Kill Tony (Again)

2021. What a year it was. For me, for you, for Steve and for Drew. There was a baseball player named Stephen Drew. I wonder how he’s doing. I wonder how 2021 was for former Arizona Diamondback great, Stephen Drew. Actually I don’t. I really don’t care how this last year went for Stephen Drew. It’s not that I’m an asshole, I just don’t have any personal connection to Stephen Drew, and if I really started caring about people as random as Stephen Drew, that would just be a lot of energy that I don’t have. Now I feel bad for saying that. I hope Stephen Drew had a nice 2021.

Anyways, I was sitting here all sad about all of the things I didn’t do this weekend and I thought it might be a good idea to write down everything I actually did accomplish in 2021. I have a tendency to be way too hard on myself and focus on what I haven’t done over remembering what I have done. I totally forgot that I moved to Texas all by myself to do stand-up comedy, which is incredibly difficult. So, yay me.

I’m getting better at not beating myself up. I’m much more aware of it at least. I used to have no idea what I was doing to myself. I noticed a big progression on Monday after my second Kill Tony set. Oh yeah, I got on again! I got on the exact same day I wrote about getting on. Pretty neat. I’m sure I’ll write about it more when it comes out next week, but the short version is that my set went amazing again, but my interview kind of sucked this time. I was all defeated after I got off stage because I didn’t like my interview and I didn’t get the Vulcan spot.

I was upset for a few minutes, but thought about it and realized I had no reason to be upset. My jokes killed, and that’s all I really care about anyways. My interview only sucked because they asked me about my relationship and I didn’t really want to talk about it. I’ve written about it on here a couple times, which I’m okay with because I can explain it in detail and look over my words before I publish. It’s admittedly a very unique and unconventional situation, and it takes time to explain to someone before they actually understand what this relationship is and why it is the way it is.

On stage, I was just trying to weasel my way out of it. I knew exactly what was going to happen. When you tell someone you’re romantically involved with a person you’ve yet to meet in person, their first thought is always “you’re getting catfished!” “What if it’s a dude!?” I’ve heard this a million times, so I just let it happen on stage. As the Talking Heads said best, “same as it ever was…” So, they made the same jokes everyone else has made a hundred times, and admittedly I’m totally over it. I’m over the long distance. I’m over explaining it to people. I’m over the same response. I just want it to be normal.

I think a bit of that frustration came out on stage. I wish I found a way to make it funny, but I kind of turned into the butt end of the joke and just had to roll with it. It was less of an interview and more intentionally loaded questions to get a response from the audience. But that’s okay. I did a good job of damage control, and sometimes that’s just what you gotta do.

Trying to focus on the positive over the negative is only one of the buttload of lessons I’ve learned this year. I was kind of upset because I’m running out of money, but that doesn’t mean I’m not successful. Money is the measuring stick we use as a society when we think about “success,” but it’s only a small piece of the pie. I’ve sacrificed money for personal growth and the pursuit of a dream. I’m way stronger than I was a year ago by a whole football field of dicks. That’s pretty strong.

I really feel like I can take on anything now. Bill Hicks said, “Remember, this is the hardest thing there is to do. If you can do this you can do anything.” Not only that, but I did this in the middle of a pandemic, moving to a new city where I didn’t know a soul, and trying to maintain a long distance relationship. I have to keep reminding myself of that every time I get down, because comedy will tear you into pieces if you’re not careful.

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