Well, shit… here we are. Four months in Austin. What a wacky and wild ride so far. I don’t know what I expected to happen when I came here. I don’t know if I expected anything at all to be honest. I just knew I wanted to come here. I’ve known I want to be here for quite some time actually. I first visited Austin when I was eighteen years old. I decided to take a train around the country by myself because I had an anxiety disorder and traveling made me anxious. Maybe I had a death wish. Who knows. Personal growth? Ah, something like that.
Honestly, it helped. The only way out is through. Avoiding what makes you anxious just makes you more anxious more easily. Stepping straight into the sphincter of whatever it is that scares you most is super horrifying at the very beginning. But… BUT… tight tight but… after a while you realize, “oh… this isn’t as bad as I thought.”
I was driving home today and I felt this slight tensing sensation in my throat. TIGHT. Alright it wasn’t that tight. I just like saying the word, “tight.” I think it’s a nostalgia thing. You ever have something make you laugh so hard that every time you think of it, even if you’re in public, you can’t help but start to laugh again? Yeah, this is one of those things. Obviously it’s terrible because if it wasn’t it wouldn’t be that funny, but I’ll share it anyway!
I was walking through the grocery store with my friend and a very large woman was walking by us in the other direction, right towards the entrance. For some reason, my friend decided to full blown check her out as we’re walking by and casually say “mmm, TIGHT!” I’m laughing now. I can’t tell the story without laughing. It’s not funny to you because you weren’t there, but I was there… oh was I there.
I think a huge part of comedy is simply pointing out something that people are afraid to point out in public but that everyone knows is true. Because something I’ve learned in this life is that what people actually believe and what people say or express in public are two verrrrryyyyy different things. We act differently when we’re in a group. I guess that’s also what comedy is. Being your true self in front of the public. Ah, that’s why public speaking is so terrifying. What’s scarier than your true self being rejected by the public? Explosive AIDS on a Monday, maybe. But other than that… not a whole lot. That should be the name of a band: “Explosive AIDS on a Monday.” Feature act: Taking Back Sunday. Opening act: Explosive AIDS on a Monday. WHAT A WAY TO START THE WEEK!
They got away with the Butthole Surfers, I’m sure somebody could push the envelope even further. Boy this post sure went off the rails quick. Aren’t you going to tell us what’s going on in your life, Jason? Maybe. I might do that. I might not.
I will be honest I just haven’t felt like writing the blog lately. The blog is having an identity crisis. I don’t know what the blog is. I’ve realized recently one of my favorite things to do is explore ideas. I’m happiest when my mind is busy. My mind is like a hungry stomach and if it’s not being fed then it gets very upset at me. My happiest times have been in college when I was engaged and I was watching online lectures outside of class and reading both the prescribed text books and other literature I thought was interesting. Or when I was writing my book. Good god I was really happy then. Then I finished it and I was like ah shit… what now?
Anyways, my point is I felt like I was going through the motions on the blog. I think I felt some responsibility to update people on my life and I had been writing a lot about that. It’s also interesting when I think about who reads my blog. A lot of times it’s people I don’t expect. I don’t exactly know who most of the people are who read it, honestly. I know my parents read it, which is also probably why I have felt some responsibility to keep posting about my life. It also carried over from the travel blog.
What I’m getting at is that I don’t know what I want the blog to be, but I know that I like writing about ideas that affect the world and humanity and consciousness more than I like writing updates about my life. Writing about ideas that affect all of us and then relating it back to my personal life could be fun. That sounds like a worthwhile exercise. Maybe that’s what the blog is. Or, maybe it’s a potato. Or a really fun and colorful Hackensack. Whatever. I’ll figure it out.