Marriage and Relationships

I’m at a cafe staring at a post next to this table. A bunch of people have written all over it. Most of them are couples. Kyle and Natasha, J and J, Josh and Tiff 4ever. Then you have everything else, from “poppin’ pussies 4 life,” to “you are loved.” I think the main message I’m getting here is that people are looking for an identity. I think a lot of people end up finding an identity in someone else, and I think that’s sad. Apparently some people find an identity in poppin’ pussies 4 life, which is also sad…

I think our society’s general outlook on relationships is pretty flawed, to be honest. We seem to have this idea in our collective heads that two people should merge into one, and that the ultimate goal of a romance is to be “married.” The dictionary definition of marry in the literal sense, is to “to combine suitably or agreeably; to blend.” I guess, to me, a relationship should be more about loving someone for the person they are and supporting their journey while they do the same for you. I think a healthy relationship is two people loving each other unconditionally while each person figures out their own personal journey.

I like the commitment aspect of marriage. I think it’s meaningful to pursue a “we’re going to work this out no matter what together” goal. I think that’s what marriage is supposed to be about, really. But it’s too easy to get divorced these days, so people don’t take marriage seriously. It’s just the next step for so many people. It’s like, okay I love you and we’ve been together a long time so the next thing to do is get married.

I think the idea of the wedding is the most harmful, though. People get so caught up in the celebration that they hardly think about what it actually means to be married. It’s mostly women who get wedding crazy, but guys can do it, too. It’s such a powerful experience, to get to throw a giant party where everyone comes together to celebrate you! Why wouldn’t you want to do that? Why wouldn’t you want to get showered with love and praise and glitter?

And that’s exactly the problem. Weddings are too much fun. Shit, I’d love a wedding. I’d take a wedding tomorrow if someone offered it to me. I don’t think weddings are bad on their own, I think there should be a celebration offered for marriage, but I don’t know… I think marriages would be more successful if people had to do something terrible first in order to have a wedding.

It sounds kind of like a joke, but I’m completely serious. It would change the entire dynamic of what it means to get married. If you knew that getting married to someone meant you had to go through something absolutely terrible with them first, you’d put a lot more consideration into it. I think that’s what makes relationships stronger, too: going through difficult things together. Anyone can get down on a knee and throw a party together. Of course you want do that! Again, why the hell wouldn’t you? I’ve never even met the girl sitting next to me, but if that’s all it takes, I’ll marry her!

This isn’t to say there aren’t a ton of amazing marriages out there. I’ve seen them, I know they exist. But they’re the exception rather than the rule. Anyways, I think I can write a good joke out of this. I didn’t know what I was going to write about today, but this is where we wound up. Let me know how much you regret your marriage in the comments. I’m kidding, but I am curious what people think so do feel free to comment your soul away!

2 thoughts on “Marriage and Relationships

  1. My husband and I have been married for 47 years. We met and went together three years before we got married. I think the measure of a marriage is support. Yes, there is love but unless other feelings grow out of that love, it’s hard to sustain it. Over the years our love has changed. We now know almost everything there is to know about each other because we have lived through life together. Junker cars, being broke, changing jobs, going back to school, owning our first house and now our last house, having children, watching as our parents aged and then died, serious heart issues for him and cancer for me. We came together as a couple back then, but have kept our individuality. Now retired, we each have our own interests that keep us busy most days, but at the end of the day, we come together again, every day at 4:00 for coffee. This is love. We guard each other’s creative independence, but we will always look forward to ending our day together.

    1. That’s amazing! It sounds like you have the perfect balance between togetherness and independence. I hope more people can find the success you have in their relationships 🙂

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