Steve McQueen

Hi. Steve McQueen here. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance. Have you heard about my all new Steamy Dream Blaster? Just pour in some water and go the hell to sleep and steam will be seeping into your dreams in no time, clouding up not just your memory, but everything you know about life. If you’re already confused while maintaining consciousness, this is the perfect way to add some unconscious confusion to your life! Research shows those operating in a state of 24/7 confusion are ten times less likely to die from a boating accident. Don’t wait, get a Steve McQueen Steamy Dreamy Blaster now!

I’m always proud to have Steve as a sponsor. Great guy. Good family. Smart kids. Beautiful wife. 

Alrighty captain. What am I doing with my life? Oh, that’s right! I just moved to Austin. Good lord this city is awesome. It’s also amazing to actually be able to go to a cafe and write. It was really tough to sit in the same room throughout the entirety of quarantine and try to be productive and creative. I’ve been hammering out jokes and research and all sorts of good stuff over the last few days. I’ve moved into my new apartment and I love it. 

The location is incredible. It’s only a mile from downtown and it’s a pretty cool spot in general, with a lot of food trucks on the same street. The apartment has everything I need, too. I have one roommate, Juan, who is a travel nurse from I forget where. He’s always cooking fish which stinks but other than that he’s super cool. That’s probably the biggest risk of moving into a shared place. A bad roommate can really jack up your jive. 

The building is pretty funky, but I love my room. It’s spacious, with a bed and a couch, and I have my own private bathroom and walk-in closet. It has a desk, but it’s a very weird desk. It’s honestly only about a food long. It has room horizontally but a laptop or a notebook takes up the entirety of the vertical space. That’s okay, I prefer to write in a cafe or a park anyways. I’ve been going to Mozart’s Cafe most days, right on Lake Austin. It’s super popular, they have outdoor and indoor seating, and live music on the weekends. Both of the musicians I’ve seen so far were super talented. Being an avid fan of the tunes, I’m absolutely loving being in the live music capital of the world. 

Speaking of performances, I’m planning on going to my first open mic in Austin tonight. I’ve settled into my place and routine, and I’m feeling really good about my material. I’ve had so much time to write during the pandemic that I’ve really tightened up my routines and I’m ready to unleash them on the poor people who show up to open mic comedy. I’m beyond excited. I can get on stage every night here, and that’s going to be huge in accelerating my way up the comedy world. I know I’m a really strong joke writer, so the key for me will be stage time, and I’ll be able to do that here. It’s pretty much why I’m here altogether. 

Alright, I’m starving. I don’t know what I’m going to eat but it might be this desk if I don’t make a move soon. 

 

Jason Brendel
Jason Brendel

Jason Brendel is an author, poet, and comedian from Northern California. Navigate the buttons below to follow him on social media, make a donation, or purchase his collection of laugh-out-loud poetry on Amazon.

4 thoughts on “Steve McQueen

  1. Good luck on your open mic night. Or should I say break a leg, or break a heckler’s neck. I really don’t know how to say that.

      1. Let an older guy do it for you – life imprisonment is no scary after a certain age!

      2. Lol. “He was sentenced to life in prison at age 94. He passed away two days later. The other prisoners were very upset about his early release.”

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