Morro Bay/Cambria

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What did I do on Tuesday? Oh lord of the flies I remember, now. THE BREAKFAST. Sweet savior of savory sandcastles what a breakfast it was. My friend, Dakota and I went up to Cambria and ate at this place called Linn’s. The people there were very friendly and the host sat us down outside next to a trouble-making group of grandmas. He said we had to watch our for these bitches. (Okay he didn’t say bitches but he joked we had to watch out for these ladies, who were lovely.) Dakota and I joked that we were gonna wind up in the trunk of their car if we weren’t careful. Always good to share a laugh with grandmas. I don’t know if they were actually grandmas but they were old ladies and by god if they aren’t grandmas they can be my grandmas.

I ordered the stuffed french toast with vanilla, cinnamon, and some kind of home made jam substance, with two eggs, two sausage patties, AND fruit. By god. Here, just take a look. Make sure the windows are shut, you don’t want to let the neighbors hear your orgasm.

It’s honestly difficult for me to look at that picture right now. It’s like when your favorite song that you and your ex listen to comes on in the car while you drive by the restaurant you always used to go to. That’s what this is like. That’s what this is like for me.

Anyways, as I try to move on… so did the day. After eating breakfast, we drove through Cayucos and went to a beach somewhere around Hearst Castle. It was pretty interesting because of the giant elephant seals that come to the shore. I don’t know if they hang out there on purpose or if they’re actually struggling for their lives (I forgot to read the sign) but they sure are huge. Most people just ignore them, too. People will walk by and not even look at these gigantic seals laying on the beach.

What an interesting creature. Ooh it looks like someone in the background has the all new Subaru Crosstrek with four wheel suspension. Have I mentioned, I just bought the all new Subaru Crosstrek?

Next, we checked out a beach in Cayucos, but it was colder than a popsicle in a freezer factory so we didn’t stay too long, and drove on over to Pismo Beach. It was also cold as balls, but it was cool to go back there. It was one of my favorite vacation spots as a kid. I remember one year my dad took Dakota and I to ride the ATV’s on the sand dunes and Dakota totally ate it off the side of a dune. I remember watching him just go flying. He thought the crest was simply a hump but there was a drop off and the guy went flying off the ATV. Luckily he was fine. I can see how people could get injured pretty bad out there, though. The point is, I highly recommend it. And if you die, it would be a pretty neat way to go out. Then you could write a song about it called “Dying on the Dunes.” Wait, no. You’d be dead. You couldn’t write a song if you’re dead.

I don’t know what happened after this. Oh, that’s right. We went to the store. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY TIME AT THE STORE. I’m kidding, I won’t do that to you. I said I’d make dinner so I bought the goods. We went back home and I cooked up some tasty tasty hamburgers and home-made sweet potato fries. Oooeeee I tell you what, if you cut up sweet potatoes and throw olive oil, salt, and pepper on those puppies and put them in the oven for 25 minutes at 425 degrees it will blow your tits right off your chest.

It was nice to make dinner for everyone, and it has been so interesting to be around my friend’s family. I definitely want kids some day, and being around the two little people (did I use that right?) at their house was a fun experience. It’s interesting to see a friend my age and his wife raise their kids and what that looks like as a young adult. It’s hectic and it’s a lot of responsibility but I can tell it’s also incredibly rewarding. That being said, I am going to enjoy being single and free while I still can.

That’s definitely something I’ve been focusing on more acutely of late: staying present. No moment in this life is exactly the same as any other, so I’m trying to soak them all in for what they are. Yesterday I had some anxiety and then when I got to Adam’s we had to smoke a mega joint as is now tradition. I was stupid high and my anxiety was confronting me head on. But it was good, because I had to overcome it. I did yoga and sat with my thoughts and I actually was able to overcome the anxiety. It was a poop moment eventually turned into a Cambria breakfast moment. Well, it wasn’t that good, but it was a small triumph.

Alrighty. I skipped over the rest of yesterday but I’ll post about that tomorrow. Check out this fantastic gallery of orgasmic happenings from my Tuesday adventures.

Jason Brendel
Jason Brendel

Jason Brendel is an author, poet, and comedian living in Austin, Texas. Navigate the buttons below to follow him on social media, make a donation, or purchase his collection of laugh-out-loud poetry on Amazon.

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