Writing and Smoking Weed aka “the Doob”

Shaba laba ding dong. Boing. Blimp. Fun socket. This is me trying to write. I’ve been keeping to my word of writing two hours a day and it’s been quite nice. Sometimes it takes a little bit to get going and I just have to write down random words and noises for ten minutes, but overall it’s going quite swell.

I’ve made a goal to write for two hours uninterrupted every day, but I’m not trying to be a Nazi about it because that’s not healthy either. So, the only rule I have is that I can’t go two days in a row without doing my writing. I shoot for every day, but if something comes up I don’t want to feel like I’m attached to some streak I have going. I don’t want to be one of those people who goes on vacation and is doing things all day and then tells all their friends, “sorry guys I know we are all supposed to go party together tonight but I haven’t got my two hours of writing in and I’ve been going for 246 days!” That would be more obsessive or addictive behavior and we don’t need that.

I feel much more at peace with the “no two days off in a row rule” because it gives me more flexibility, more time to plan if something does come up, and prevents me from ever falling out of a groove. It’s working very nicely so far. Very niiiiice my name is Borat. I write every day, very nice.

I stole the idea from myself because it’s the same kind of rule I implemented with smoking the weed. The gange. The devil’s lettuce. The tricky spinach. Mary Jane. Doob. I think I’m going to try and make that a thing now. We all know that a doobie means a joint, but I’m proposing that the simple phrase, “doob” function as another word for weed. Rip the doob, Jimmy. Rip that doob.

Anyways, the rule I made for myself regarding doob is that I can’t smoke weed two days in a row. That’s it. That’s the only rule. Again, this prevents me from making it a habit and gives me flexibility while also holding me accountable. It’s worked out great so far. I usually end up ripping the doob once or twice a week, which has been perfect. Sometimes three, sometimes zero. It’s been nice, I’ve generally just been getting toked out of my smoke hole on Saturdays and then I’m satisfied for the rest of the week.

It really helps with my ulcerative colitis. My insides were giving me a lot of trouble Saturday morning but after an edible I felt great and had the most tremendous poop this morning. I mean quality. After walking out of the bathroom I actually wondered if it was the best poop I’ve ever taken. It was one of those ones that really made me think. It’s hard to know for sure, but it was certainly up there.

So, that’s the good side. The bad side is that I’m super stoned over and I feel a bit like a zombie. I feel great, honestly, but my brain is very slow and that’s always annoying for me. I like the experience of feeling sharp, and being productive gives me a lot of positive emotion. I guess it can be a lesson in will power. For instance, right now I don’t feel like I’m writing well or that I’m very funny or interesting, but I very well might be. WHO KNOWS. Maybe it’s all in my head. We will see.

After this I’m going to work on some joke writing, and that’s where I’ll be able to tell. My last writing session was magical. The jokes were just flying across the maps in my mind. I was making the connections I needed to make between lines, taking out all the wrong stuff and putting in all the right stuff. It was splendid. Splendid, I tell you. Splend did.

Those days are the best. I always appreciate them when they happen, because you never know when a magical writing day will happen. When it does, you just have to ride the wave for as long as you can.

I think it’s often referred to as “flow.” Flow flow flow your brain, gently on the page, very very very carefully try not to cream. That’s a very poignant lesson in many life situations. Try not to cream. That’s kind of what it’s like being a guy, you’re just always trying not to cream. Life is just a series of events in between ejaculations when it comes down to it.

Anyways, I uh… I have to go.

Jason Brendel
Jason Brendel

Jason Brendel is an author, poet, and comedian living in Austin, Texas. Navigate the buttons below to follow him on social media, make a donation, or purchase his collection of laugh-out-loud poetry on Amazon.

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