Guy With Computer Eager to Destroy Celebrity’s Life

Reading over the apologies from celebrities like Kevin Hart, Nick Cannon, and Shane Gillis, Jacksonville, Florida resident Doug Robertson couldn’t help but feel inspired. The proud owner of a brand new Lenovo laptop, Robertson grinned from ear to ear, explaining that “this is the moment.. This is my time to finally make a difference in the world.”

We asked Robertson, a third year major in Ableist Behavioral Studies at North University of the West, what he planned on doing with his new computer.

“Well, I’m really committed to what I believe in, so I’ll definitely be doing a lot of research on celebrities. I heard Justin Bieber may have tweeted a joke as a teenager that closely resembles a passage from Hitler’s Mein Kampf, but nobody’s been able to find it. I met a friend on Instagram who lived around the corner from Bieber during those years, and he thinks that we can crack the code together. That would be huge. I’ve always known Justin is a terrible human being, I just need to get my eyes on that tweet so the rest of the world can see it with me.”

Jason Brendel
Jason Brendel

Jason Brendel is an author, poet, and comedian from Northern California. You can follow him on instagram @jasonbrendel.

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