So I’ve come to the conclusion that people don’t think about death enough. If people thought about death more often, they wouldn’t have run out and bought toilet paper in a frenzied panic.

I think about death all of the time. Thinking about death is a healthy endeavor because if we don’t accept our own mortality, we end up consumed by our egos and give way to a selfish way of living. It’s not healthy to not be able to think about death either. Like really, Daveed? You can’t bear thinking about the one thing that’s going to happen to every single one of us?

Here. I’ll make it easier. YOU’RE GOING TO DIE! Yay! Death! It’s a beautiful thing, to accept your death. Often times it takes a near-death experience for someone to go “oh shit, I might die,” but it doesn’t have to. We can consciously face the inevitable fact that we will die through meditation or just sitting on a chair or a piece of pizza and thinking about it.

Once I accepted my death, like really accepted my death, every day has become a privilege, not a right. I’m not entitled to life. I don’t deserve to wake up tomorrow. I’m lucky to. Every day that I am simply still alive is a miracle. I mean, I should be dying all the time. Car crashes, cancer, AIDS, a Cheeto getting stuck in the back of my throat… at any moment, any of these things could send me straight to the morgue. And I’m cool with that. If it happens it happens. Just happy to be here, ladies! Just happy to be here!

Anyways, I think this coronavirus thing is helping people realize how lucky they are. We have gotten so used to living a certain type of lifestyle that we think we’re entitled to it. I mean, things are so easy. Comparatively speaking, that is. Life is never easy. Unless you’re a jellyfish, because you don’t actually have a brain so you can’t feel pain or think about how the universe could have possible started as something smaller than the head of a pin and how nothing could possibly mean anything at all if everything we know to exist used to be nothing at all. You just float around and sting shit. What a life to live… oh what a life to live.

What if… what if the next pandemic is not a virus but an unstoppable swath of airborne jellyfish? Like they mutated and were able to breathe oxygen and fly and nobody knew how to stop  them and they all rose out of the ocean at the same time and started stinging people in the eye balls. That would be pretty wild. I wouldn’t it put it past mother nature. I challenge her at this point. I mean if I’m gonna go out, stung through the eye by an airborne jelly fish is definitely at the top of the list.

Candied yams.

I heard pollution in the world is way down because everybody is staying inside masturbating right now. Which got me thinking… hear me out here, but I’m pretty sure I’m right about this. I think… I think coronavirus was created and released by Greta Thunberg in an attempt to combat climate change. You heard it here first.

Boy this post really took some turns. It started off as a serious conversation about death and now we’re at Greta Thunberg conspiracy theories. Fuck yeah. This is what we live for.


7 thoughts on “DEATH

  1. Yay, great writing Jason. I’ve not been following anyone much for a while. But, I don’t know why, I appear to have some time on my hands. This piece has the quality that I remember when I first followed you, probably over a year ago now (I mean ‘follow’ in a social media way obviously: although, don’t turn round now….you never know).

    I loved this piece. It effortlessly drifted from political comment to political satire / surrealism. Thanks for sharing as it’s nice to find out that there are others out there like me. People that perhaps most of society consider to be crazy, on the grounds that they think differently to the masses. Thank goodness for craziness, that’s my take on things.

    1. Thank you so much for this comment, this made my morning! Thank goodness for craziness is right. I’m glad you were able to relate to it, because I know if you’re anything like me it can be hard to find people to relate to. Keep thinking differently! 🙂

  2. Nassim Taleb said the odds of you being born can be compared to a speck of dust next to a planet a billion times the size of earth. Better milk it hard and suck copiously, before the flying jellyfish become Taleb’s next Black Swan. Your writing is deliciously unpredictable.

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