Camp Doucheonmycock, Being Selfish, and Finding Balance in Life

Splooge. Seepy seepy splooge. That’s my hook for you to read this post. Seepy sleepy splooge. I remember one time in high school we had to make up a story based on the Cold War, and I wrote about a Russian man who was sent to Camp Doucheonmycock, but I spelled it something like Duschenmikok. I spent the whole hour of this writing assignment chuckling to myself trying not to bust up laughing. I still got an A. I’m not sure if the teacher knew or not. I mean, all things considered, it’s not the easiest one to pick up. “Douche on my cock” isn’t exactly part of the public discourse. I think it should be, though. Instead of yelling “fuck!” or “ah shit!” when something shocking happens, I propose we scream “Douche on my cock!” This is my contribution to society.

Speaking of contributions to society, I’ve been thinking about maybe trying that. See, that’s how self-absorbed I am as a 25 year old person. I think, maybe, I might… nah. I’m kind of joking, obviously. Personally, I think the best contribution you can make to society is to become an upright and honest individual. Be an example for the people around you. I think if you really work on yourself and try to be the best you can, it will manifest itself in the world. The people close to you will want to be better, and then people close to them will want to be better, and so on. Like a chain reaction or whatever.

I think we should be selfish in our twenties. Not the ‘fuck you no cake for you’ kind of selfish, but selfish in the sense that we should figure ourselves out. Plus it’s kind of socially acceptable to be selfish in your twenties because that’s what everyone expects anyway. What I’m trying to say is I think it’s okay (maybe even optimal) to put most of our energy into ourselves as young adults. You know, like learn how to take care of your own house before sorting out someone else’s kind of thing.

I think it’s a better plan in the long run, because if we set ourselves up to be healthy, fulfilled, strong human beings with a purpose and meaning for our lives, we are more likely to be compassionate and charitable over time. Genuinely, too! That’s the kicker right there. The goal is to be genuine in our compassion and charity. Not the “I volunteered because I needed the hours to put on my college resume” kind of charity. Which isn’t a bad thing. I think it’s still a good thing to help people even if it’s for your own gain. That’s a win-win in my book. It’s just not as meaningful as being charitable because you want to.

It’s like when you uhh… what am I trying to say? Oh, I’ve got it! Haha! Winner! It’s like when you enjoy doing something as a hobby, and then you get hired to do it for work and it takes the joy out of it. You’re doing the same thing, but the mindset is different. You go from doing something because you want to do it, to doing something because you have to. Italics motherfucker! YOU’RE D (oops, somehow caps lock got hit)… you’re doing the same thing, but one way is much more meaningful and fulfilling than the other.

Sweet baby aspirin this was such a revelation for me. I noticed it happening with different things in my life. Golf, poker, writing… When I was younger, I loved playing golf, and I got quite good. So, I started to practice. A lot. Which I did because I wanted to. Eventually, though, it got to a point where I was forcing myself to practice because I felt like I had to, and that took the joy out of it for me. It didn’t make me any better either. Worse, if anything. Some time off and reminding myself that I play because I enjoy it has done wonders for my game. The same can be said for my writing. Doing these things because I want to and reminding myself of that has just been huge.

It helps to have balance, too. It’s tough to put all of your eggs in one basket. Like when golf was my life, it was my life. It was the thing providing me with all of the purpose in my life, so everything hung on that. Less outlets, more pressure. More stress. Poopier mood. Poopier Jason. I feel I have much more balance in my life, now. If I really want to do something, I can do it without feeling like it’s taking away from something else. I think that’s the most important thing I look for in a romantic partner now, too. Hobbies and interests. That way there’s a healthy balance in the relationship instead of entering obsession and co-dependency land. Not a good place. NOT A GOOD PLACE OKAY!? Okay I’m not going down that road. Not going down that road. Stop. STOP IT!

Stay on point Jason, stay on point. Oh, I know what I was going to talk about before I almost went down that road. God, I’m really feeling the italics today. Fantastic. I feel… I just feel… tit monsters I forgot where I was going now. Oh, yes! The conundrum. Or one of the many conundrums of my life. Or just life in general. Balance vs. narrow focus. I feel like in order to be successful in this world, you have to pick something and really set your mind to it and not look back. That’s what all of the greats have done. At the same time, I just talked about the value of balance. So, what do i do? Oh sweet mother of my unborn child, what do i do!?

Good lord the amount of condensation that accrues on Starbucks ice waters is unreal. VARIATION WITHIN A NARROW DOMAIN. Oh my goodness that just might be the key right there folks. I think we’re onto something. Okay so I think we have to find something we really love first. Which can actually be the hard part. Eh maybe not. Maybe the hard part is admitting to ourselves what it is we actually love. And then committing to it. There are all sorts of reasons not to commit. Too much risk, not enough security, (Jesus Jason just find two different ways to say the same thing why don’t you?) fear, oooooooh fear. That’s a good one. Nothing like loving something and then realizing you suck at it. Harsh world out there, harsh world… It’s worth the chance, though. Plus, we all suck at everything at the start anyway.

Anyways, after we commit to whatever stupid thing it is that we think we love, we’re eventually going to get bored if we don’t push ourselves within that domain. You know what? I want to think about this specific idea more. Okay cool, bye.