Chinese dumpling bumper cars. Wouldn’t that be wild? Just a bunch of Chinese people sitting in giant dumplings slamming into each other? Is that offensive? Probably, to someone. What am I doing with my life? I honestly have no idea right now. Everything is very much up in the air right now. I’m one of … Continue reading Good, Bad, and Trusting in the Universe
Getting on Kill Tony (Again)
2021. What a year it was. For me, for you, for Steve and for Drew. There was a baseball player named Stephen Drew. I wonder how he’s doing. I wonder how 2021 was for former Arizona Diamondback great, Stephen Drew. Actually I don’t. I really don’t care how this last year went for Stephen Drew. … Continue reading Getting on Kill Tony (Again)
Getting on Kill Tony
Merry Dickmas! I mean Christmas. Dick Butkus. I don’t know. It’s been a crazy year. Last post I talked about getting kicked out of a comedy club, which was really weird when it happened but actually turned out to be good timing. I’ve been trying to get on the live podcast “Kill Tony” ever since … Continue reading Getting on Kill Tony
Getting Kicked Out of a Comedy Club
Well. It looks like it’s been over a month since I’ve posted here. Jesus, where do I even start? I got kicked out of a comedy club. I got on the world’s biggest live podcast, Kill Tony. I started going to therapy. I love comedy. I hate comedy. That was so amazing. Holy shit, I … Continue reading Getting Kicked Out of a Comedy Club
Feeling Reality and Finding My Path
I wish there wasn’t so much cum on my keyboard. That should be a song. Cum On My Keyboard, by Toby Keith. Maybe I’ll write it and send it to him. Maybe I’ll write it and record it myself. Maybe I’ll become a Godfearing country artist who goes but the name “Cum Tree” and all … Continue reading Feeling Reality and Finding My Path
Stream of Consciousness, Written at a Stream.
I'm sitting on a rock. The water flows past me, energy runs through me. I feel at home here. We weren't meant to live in four walls. It's a humid day; there was a big storm a couple of nights ago. The water covers the rocks where a woman was sunbathing last week. Something just … Continue reading Stream of Consciousness, Written at a Stream.
The Bar
The bar is pretty when the televisions are off bottles line the walls each its own possibility dark and tall this one opens only for special occasions its label worn like a favorite cap of a baseball lover sunken dreams have spilled over these counters the marble washes away the liquor but soaks in the … Continue reading The Bar
Man Commits Suicide on Toilet after Phone Loses Battery — The Mad Satirist
A Florida man has ended his own life after his iPhone ran out of battery during a routine poo in his Tallahassee home. Unable to bear his own thoughts for more than fifteen seconds, the Leon County resident went into immediate panic after the screen went dark. “I heard him scream from the other side…Man Commits … Continue reading Man Commits Suicide on Toilet after Phone Loses Battery — The Mad Satirist
Entire Generation Fired for Transphobic Comments — The Mad Satirist
Everyone born before 1971 has been fired from their job for transphobic comments made in the past, after the New New York Times published an exposé released by some guy with nothing better to do. “This is a day to remember in history,” said the shman, who declined to be identified by name, demanding only…Entire Generation … Continue reading Entire Generation Fired for Transphobic Comments — The Mad Satirist
Three Short Stories by John Steinbeck
The Toothbrush I think my toothbrush is gay. I found it in my bum. I was lying in a field of cauliflower when a man from the Charleston, North Carolina approached me. He said, “sir, I reckon you’ve got a brush in your bum.” “A who in my what?” I said. “A brush in your … Continue reading Three Short Stories by John Steinbeck