I need to get bug spray. Both of my ankles are surrounded by 360 degrees of bug bites. I’m taking it as a compliment. I’ve got some sexy ankles. Everyone wants a piece. Come get some, bitches. Boy, life is good right now. I’ve been finding my groove out here in all sorts of different … Continue reading Turning Obstacles into Opportunities
Performance Through Trial and Error
Holy smoked salami is it a beautiful day today. The weather in Austin is very interesting. It’s super nice one minute and then pouring penis the next. The weather app will say it’s going to be 79 degrees and then it turns out to be 100. It’s kind of fun. I always get a chuckle … Continue reading Performance Through Trial and Error
Plunging Into an Ice Bath and a Developed Disdain for Suburban Drivers
Happy Kwanza. Austin has been a hectic mess this weekend. People are ready to travel in droves and they all want to come to Austin. I don’t blame them. It’s awesome here. I spent the majority of the weekend driving them around in the all new Subaru Crosstrek with four wheel suspension. On Friday I … Continue reading Plunging Into an Ice Bath and a Developed Disdain for Suburban Drivers
Learning Life Lessons Through Poker
Hot girls. Hot girls everywhere. I was about to make eye contact with this hot girl and then some dude walked right in between us, stopped, and pulled out his phone to make a call. That pretty much sums it up for me. I’m trying to find the humor in my failed interactions with women, … Continue reading Learning Life Lessons Through Poker
Birthday Post
Today is my birthday. Nice.
Poop
I think I’m going to order a tea. I need to figure out if it makes me shit myself or not. Speaking of shitting yourself, I found a name for my potential memoir some day: Between the Poop. A story about the things that happen in between running to the bathroom. I’m sitting here right … Continue reading Poop
Asking “What Am I Doing With My Life?”
Today’s blog post is sponsored by Hannah’s Hibiscus Titty Rings. If you like the cool and mellow taste of hibiscus and the sudden sharp pain of metal through your nipples, Hannah’s Hibiscus Titty Rings are guaranteed to be exactly what you’re looking for. Fantastic. Tremendous. Cool. Neat. Fun. This is fun. I’m having fun. I’ve … Continue reading Asking “What Am I Doing With My Life?”
Seeking Discomfort
Tonight’s special will be roasted spare goose with a side of asparagus. It’s paired with our house wine, called “Gus.” If you need anything, my name’s Dave. Today’s blog post is brought to you by Scandalous Sam’s Scented Candles. If you can’t handle typical scented candles like vanilla bean or lavender, it’s time to … Continue reading Seeking Discomfort
Finding Success on Stage
Last night was… amazing. I was able to get on stage two times for the second night in a row, and both of my sets went extremely well. The first mic was at a dive bar in Pflugerville, about twenty minutes north of Austin. It’s exactly what you would picture if you thought up a … Continue reading Finding Success on Stage
Falling Forward
I got back on the comedy horse last night and was able to hit two open mics in Austin. We got a pretty big rain storm last week so a lot of mics got cancelled. On Thursday I ended up going to two mics expecting to perform but neither ended up actually happening. I think … Continue reading Falling Forward